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Relation- ships, Are They Worth the Trouble?

by Jay Hopson  
7/21/2008 / Relationships

Living for half a century requires a person to experience quite a few of life's ups and downs, and one would hope to acquire at least a little understanding in that time. As my life has seen its share of struggle and heartache, I should be an expert on relationships. I shall try to illustrate here the difficult lessons I've learned about relationships.

At the age of 35 I experienced a rather extraordinary conversion to radical Christianity and became a pastor after a number of years. One thing led to another and the church I'd begun disintegrated in a conflagration of torn emotions and heart breaking anguish. It has taken nearly 10 years to be able to talk about the feelings inspired by this episode in my life, and my efforts to return to some form of normalcy.

Essentially, a church is built upon relationships, and being part of a church can be the best growth experience in ones life. Even the problems you have can be turned into life lessons. I pray that all the people that were involved have found the healing that I have. I have contacted them all and offered my forgiveness where it was necessary, as well as my apologies to those hurt by my own actions. It took me years to come to this place though.

For the first few years I felt that a relationship was similar to a beautiful landscape of tropical foliage that beckoned for discovery and exploration. But, once one entered into that setting, you found yourself entangled in thorns and thickets of gossip, back biting and conspiracy. Because of this perception, I have pretty much disentangled myself from real relationships for years. I have found, though, that such a life results in few rewards, and the cost is high.

Perhaps too, it is the perception one holds that is of the most consequence. If a relationship ends in bitterness and rancor, it takes two to make it such. If we can somehow alter those bitter endings in our minds to lessons learned, then we grow. Usually, pride is the cause of bitter endings, and pride cometh before a fall. Learning to be humble enough to allow a relationship to end without blame or reproach can save you from disillusionment, and allow room for another more productive relationship.

Some relationships are destined to end, but others can flourish with effort and dedication. It is true that "no man is an island." We need the participation or others in our lives to round out our personalities and smooth away the sharp edges of our character. Without relationship we wallow in our own reality which can be sorely abused as we tend to wear rose colored glasses when it comes to ourselves.

The minor pain caused by a friend's suggestion or criticism may be worthwhile if it leads to the development of better character and improved personality. Change is part of relationship, and change can always create pain of one kind or another. But, without change we grow stale and stagnate in life, like a pond deprived a flow of fresh water . People flowing in and out of our lives weave a fabric of beauty and character into our personality.

My life long struggle with relationships has led me to this conclusion. Humility is the necessary ingredient for a successful relationship. It takes humility to open oneself up to the evaluation of those close to us. If we close ourselves off from others, we miss a great deal of the joy and beauty that life has to offer. The benefits of relationships far outweigh the expense.

Jay Hopson is slowly but surely finding his way into the freelance writing field. Although a former pastor, he has struggled for years with direction and vision. He seems to be just now finding his niche in the Kingdom through writing. "I have always loved writing that springs from the heart and tells of Truth gained through experience.
I hope to be able to come to the place where I am able to write articles that heal and change the heart, not just educate. Words can be of eternal value, if they come from the throne.
If I can possibly attain to that, then I have done something worthwhile."

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