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Do You Have Vicarious Resentment?
by Tonja Taylor
12/23/2023 / Christian Living
Now He said to His disciples, “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come, but woe to one through whom they come! 2 It is better for him if a millstone is hung around his neck and he is thrown into the sea, than that he may cause one of these little ones to sin. 3 Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”- Luke 17:1-4, KJV
A few days ago, when I heard the name of a man I barely knew--and had really not ever interacted with--I was surprised at the resentment I felt, on behalf of my cousin, who had married him over 30 years ago.
The LORD showed me I had "vicarious resentment"--that I was offended on behalf of my cousin, and needed to get rid of that root.
In other words, I needed to forgive a man who had no idea that I was angry with him!
I was having "vicarious resentment"--obviously, unforgiveness against another, who had no idea I had such a negative attitude toward him, on behalf of his wife.
I'm so thankful the LORD exposed this, and I repented immediately, in the presence of my husband, my covenant partner, who has been there for me to listen and pray and agree, as I've worked through getting rid of thoughts and attitudes not of God, as the LORD has exposed them to me through the years.
Our loving Daddy, Father God, is so very patient! He truly sees the end from the beginning, and is never surprised at the junk in us. Hallelujah! Amazing Grace--He knows all the good and bad (and the very bad), and loves us anyway. When we are born again, He sees us through the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ, the only true Savior of the world!
God believes in us. Wow!
To use a very basic example, the Holy Spirit (Who is God!) is our Heavenly Coach. He continues to reveal to us our weaknessess and, if we work with Him, He helps us overcome them and be free of them.
Truly, we the Son (Jesus Christ, the Holy One, the Savior!) set free are free indeed (John 8:36)!
So, my point is that, while we can be horrified by the junk in us, God isn't, and continues to lovingly work with us to help us desire and become like Jesus.
(Ask me how I know! I'm glad the LORD did not reveal eaverything at once, or I would just fainted in shock, and went on to Heaven! But He has work for me to do. Praise Him, that He continues to work with me to make me more like Christ, and) He's used me to reach people already--Jesus in me!)
So, you can ask the LORD to reveal to you if you are oppressed by "vicarious resentment." This can be a sneaky ploy of the devil to steal from you. He doesn't want you to know all this, but the Spirit of Truth, the Spirit of Jesus Christ, will always lead you--forever lead you--into all Truth, for He is the Truth (John 14:6, John 16:13).
Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not spek of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.- John 16:13, KJV
It seems such a noble thing to be offended on behalf of another, and that in its purest form is covenant--the desire to defend those to whom we are truly tied. Loyalty is definitely to be desired in person.
Know therefore that the LORD thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations; - Deut. 7:9, KJV
Ultimately, God is the only One truly loyal in every way. However, we who are His can cultivate this very valuable trait!
So, while it's always good to be faithful/loyal/have covenant devotion to God first, then our own spouses, children, and other loved ones, we must discern when we are harboring resentment. It can grow into bitterness, and poison our lives, and those we affect.
Ephesians 4 has a lot to say about such. I'm making progress and getting victory, but there will always be room for improvement!
"Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love."--Eph. 4:2, KJV
Through books, courses, presentations, service, prayer, worship, and more, Tonja and her husband live to exalt God. Her series for girls, P.O.W.E.R. GIRL ADVENTURES, is now out (books I-V), along with LEGACY; YOUR HOLY HEALTH: VISIONS OF THE KING, and more. See the "River Rain Creative" YT channel.
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