Running with the wild crowd not only came back to hurt her, but trust had all but completely vanished, and Chelsea regretted the years spent clinging to anything or anyone who exuded the tiniest bit of interest in her. 

What was I thinking? How could I have possibly stooped so low to believe drinking, drugs, and cheap relationships could give me an eternal high? Was I that out of touch with the real world that I attached myself to anyone who would pay attention to me? I'm so pathetic. I deserve to stay in the pits. No one owes me anything. I wouldn't know how to handle a kind or caring person if they even tried to reach out. I'd cut them off in a heartbeat and move on. 

Without believing the business card had any worth to it, she pulled it out of her jeans pocket and read; 

Jonas Adler  

Botanist and Wildlife Scientist

Haley Research Institute

Wycopa, North Dakota

701-224-6807

[email protected] 

Turning the card over she read;

Jeremiah 29:13 

Tossing the card on the sheets, Chelsea made her way over to the coffee maker, head in a daze and her heart pounding as if it were about to explode. Next stop, the women's shelter. But seriously, what am I going to find there? 

Jonas made his way back to his office, intent on updating the lab results he’d discovered in the mountainous terrain and underbrush of the dense greenery under the gray-violet clouds hovering over Isabella. Days of extracting samples and recording their description for Tennessee Wildwoods, a new publication featuring the secrets of wildlife found only under a macro lens and a microscope, was nearing completion. One more stop to North Carolina, and his final documentations would be complete.

His thoughts went back to Chelsea. If only they had more time to chat, but she wanted nothing of it. Something deep was troubling her, and he'd probably never know what it was. Maybe she'd see the Bible verse on the back of his card and get curious what it meant. 

He decided to take it to the Lord in prayer, and asked Him to watch over her as she made her way into the unknown all by herself, without a clue where she was going, or what to do when she got there. He couldn't help but believe the run-in with her was not an accident. Maybe the Lord allowed that to happen for a reason. He may never know.

He may not have been carrying the weight of a problem the size of Chelsea's, but the responsibilities of his day-to-day physical and spiritual living still had a way of consuming him, and unless he stayed on his journey of self-discipline, the loneliness could easily become all-consuming. He didn't want to entertain past bad memories, no, it would just rob him of the time he did have to enjoy God's bountiful creation. 

After finally tucking away his computer, journals, photographs, and files, Jonas transitioned into vacation mode.

Juggling his hiking gear and camping equipment to the plot of land he'd call home for the next week, he realized he couldn't shake the memory of this young girl he transported to the bus depot. 

He decided that over the following week, alone with his thoughts and without any interruption, he'd continue to pray for the girl, and while he was at it, pray for anyone else who may be equally lost on the search for their purpose in life. 

Not that he had all their answers by any means, but he would never forget the mess the Lord took him out of years ago, when his family split and nearly left him homeless. Had it not been for a neighbor intervening at a critical time, it may have been him on the bus headed to nowhere. 

Yeah, those memories of hopelessness needed to stay where they belong - in the past. Gone forever. Never to rear their ugly heads again. Night terrors weren’t anything a young boy should experience. Their far reaching effects tried to follow him into his adulthood, but God had other plans, thankfully. If only he knew where his dad was now. If only he could talk with him one more time. If only arguments and bitterness didn’t tear people apart.

Relationships, they can make you or break you, can't they? Why did they own people and keep them hostage? The only answer that seemed to make any sense was because God created relationships and when someone broke them, consequences resulted. Surely Jonas knew that people were meant for more than just existing, they were meant to thrive inside a loving relationship just like Jesus intended.

The following morning he drove into town to the local canteen to stock up on supplies, loaded his truck, and decided to head over to a diner for a bite to eat. Just then his phone dinged from a number he did not recognize, and much to his utter surprise, the voice of Chelsea was crying on the other end. She babbled inaudibly, raising her voice, completely drowning in discouragement and frustration.

“Chelsea? Is that you?” Jonas interjected. "Whoa, whoa, slow down. Listen, where are you? We can talk, but where are you? Are you ok? What’s going on?"

Chelsea continued to cry out, “It’s not working, it’s just not working, no matter what I do, no one cares and why should they? It’s my fault. It’s over. No one cares. No one ever did. I can’t handle this, I’m so tired.”

Jonas took a deep breath and continued in a calm and reassuring voice. “Chelsea, I’m so glad you called. You have been on my mind. Where are you?”

Chelsea sniffled and coughed and tried to find her voice. “I’m at some random place I don’t even know where. Maybe North Carolina, I wasn’t paying attention. There’s nowhere left to run. I’m at my end. I don’t know what to do.”

Eager to keep her talking, Jonas asked again, “Chelsea, where did you go when you got on the bus? Did someone hurt you? Do you know where you are now? Please find that out. I can’t help you if I don’t know where you are.”

After some silence, Chelsea spoke and said. “In the mountains. In some town. I’m so lost.”

Chelsea came back to the phone and stated that she was in a town called Monroe, but didn’t know the name of the street, or the name of the hotel. Jonas about fell over! “You are where? Monroe? You are not going to believe this, but I’m in Monroe right now! I can hardly believe you are so close. I want you stay on the phone and walk up to the front desk and ask for the hotel address. I’ll stay on the line with you. Chelsea, this is amazing! This is divine providence, I am sure of it! Ask the hotel clerk for the address.”

“This is what?” Chelsea tried to decipher what Jonas meant. “Oh, nothing,” he said, “just walk to the front desk and get the address. I am coming over to pick you up.”

Chelsea started to cry again and said, “Why should you care where I am? I’m just wasting your time.”

Jonas raised his voice and said, “Chelsea, do you realize you are asking for help and help is here? Do not ignore this. Go ask right now, I will wait.”

She came back to the phone with the address and within minutes, Jonas spotted the disheveled girl he’d met only days ago, ready to bring a temporary healing balm to her weary soul. He prayed, God, use me now, in the life of your precious daughter who needs you as her Good Shepherd. Allow me to bring her a ray of hope, to let her see there is life beyond this minute.

Slowly the walls came down and Chelsea was able to speak coherently, as stories about her past barreled out of her mouth like an unleashed waterfall -  the hurts, doubts, insecurities, and the betrayal of trust from so many that should have respected her more. But the problem was, she did not respect herself, so why should anyone else?

“You know, Chelsea, what you are sharing isn’t all that unfamiliar to me. It’s a language I understand. You are not aware of my story, but let me tell you, there are certainly enough similarities that let me understand what’s going on in your world,” Jonas gently interjected. He didn’t want to come across like he knew her ending before he knew her beginning. She might clam up and shove him right back out of her life.

Over the next hours, Jonas was able to draw out of Chelsea some of the shame and pain that shaped her identity and marred her vision of her true worth. She proceeded to describe the history of her poor choices. “I’ve always felt entitled to blame others for my decisions, like I was influenced by people’s opinion of me and I couldn’t stop myself from doing bad things. I’ll never be able to count the regrets.”

“How did so many buttons get pushed without my consent?" Chelsea pondered, "I mean I did stuff I hated, and anyone would clearly say it was my fault, but not everyone caves in when under pressure like I do. What is my problem? I’m so embarrassed.” Where could she find her own value as a woman and as a person? She longed to know.

Jonas detected that this might be the right moment to bring up the topic of the Bible verse on the back of his business card and the significance it had in his personal life. He decided to broach the topic from an angle that might let Chelsea grasp the full meaning of what he wanted to share without making her feeling ignorant or challenged on the spot. He began slowly, watching for any sign of how open she was for this kind of conversation.

Well, that happened to me years ago when my dad left our family and left a hole so deep no one could fix it. My brothers and I were still young enough that we didn’t fully comprehend adult marriage relationships, but we knew one just got destroyed and we didn’t know how to pick up the broken pieces. The severing of my parent’s relationship nearly destroyed me. I was fourteen at the time, and thought for sure it was my fault. There wasn’t anywhere we could look for the answers. There was no one we could turn to that could help revert things back to what they were. I felt that if they could just love each other, I would be ok.

The emptiness it caused seeped into every crevice of my life from that point on. I acted out the hurt and anger. My temper flared up for no reason. The emptiness that should have been filled by my father’s love got filled with worldly things instead: shallow meaningless relationships, binge drinking that turned me into an alcoholic, my inability to hold onto a job, and then almost homelessness.

But I’m here today to tell you Chelsea, that if you look in the wrong places, you get the wrong answers to the questions that gnaw at your soul. Oh sure, you can cover them up and play pretend so others aren’t privy to your pain, but what does that result in? A new pain.”

Jonas answered, “The verse is taken from the Bible. Are you familiar with the Bible? The verse says, you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. It’s from Jeremiah 29:13 and it’s talking about us seeking God. It’s pretty amazing isn’t it? It’s one of my favorites.

I like the meaning behind it because it parallels the years of my life when I was looking for acceptance and unconditional love. But because I was looking in the wrong places, I never found it. I didn’t even know that a person could find God. I grew up knowing some of the Bible because my mom tried her hardest to get us to church, but then the trouble at home began and church got lost in the chaos.

It wasn’t till years later when I decided to revisit the idea of attending church. I graduated with a Master’s degree in Botany and got employed in North Dakota at a research center that took me out into the wilderness. I identified with it so much because I was already living in a sort wilderness on the inside, so I thought learning more of God would help me understand the disconnect I was feeling. For the longest time I felt I had arrived at one of life’s pinnacles by living out my profession, but couldn’t explain the longing still eating away at my heart.”

Jonas stopped talking to measure if anything he said was getting absorbed into Chelsea’s heart. He waited to let her mull over what she just heard.

Chelsea sat there in silence staring at Jonas, and he would have given anything to know what was reeling through her mind. Was he making a dent in her thinking? He had thrown out a lifeline of hope, but did she latch on to it?

I know this might not have been what you had in mind when you called me, but it’s what I have to share. You don’t have to take any of it if you don’t want to, but if you do, I can help you take that next step.”

Chelsea contemplated his words, and Jonas let her bask in the words she may have never heard before. “I like what you are saying, and I’m glad it worked for you, but I still don’t know what to do next. I still don’t have a place to go, or a place to live. My savings won’t last very long, and I have no one else I can call right now. I should have never bothered you with all this. It’s not your problem. I’m sorry.”

Jonas persisted. “Listen, you don’t have to decide anything right now, but if you don’t feel like being alone, you can hang out with me for a while. You know, to take some of the pressure off. I plan on finding a church around this place to attend tomorrow, you’re welcome to join me. I’m camping out about a mile from here so you have a place to stay tonight. We’ll figure out tomorrow when tomorrow gets here.”

Chelsea felt cornered. Suffocated. The old patterns crept back in and she started to hyperventilate. Panic took over.

She reached out into the air, almost gasping for air, and Jonas took her hands and brought her back to safety. What was it about him that caused her insides to go still? She had never experienced an anchor to her soul, so the only reaction she knew of, was to dodge the person in front of her and run for cover. Maybe Jonas could help change that. God knew how exhausted she was from running.

Mama Tanja had lived that way too, and now that Chelsea thought about it, that all changed when Mama Tanja turned to Jesus as her anchor. Maybe there was some truth to  this after all. That’s probably why Mama Tanja was always so kind and giving. She didn’t have all those ugly demons tormenting her anymore. She must have come free from them. She must have looked in the right places to find the right answers. The pieces of the puzzle were coming together. All these years and this topic of God and His care for people had been so foreign to her. And here was this stranger sitting in front of her, giving her plenty of reasons to believe that the past did not have to decide her future.

Chelsea reached into her purse and pulled out a paper and pen. “Could you write that quote down for me?” she said to Jonas. “I’m afraid I’ll forget what it says.”

The following morning after church, Jonas introduced himself and Chelsea to Pastor James and his wife Maddy, and asked if they had a few minutes to chat before leaving. Jonas delicately explained the situation, and was careful to protect Chelsea’s powerlessness while at the same time, needing to be clear about her imminent needs with housing, or at least a very temporary place to rent until she had a better mindset on what to do next.

Chelsea turned to Jonas and the tears began to flow once more. Never in a million years could she have devised plans like this. Never was it on her radar to imagine an offer coming from such thoughtful and generous people. This kind of caring was still somewhat foreign to her. For a minute, she didn’t know how to respond. The pastor’s wife just embraced her and spoke gentle words into her ear, “God is always there when we need Him. Sometimes it just takes a while for us to find our voice and call out to Him.”

Chelsea perked up and with a quick glance to Jonas as her eyes seemed to ask, how did she know that verse? Did you tell her? It’s exactly what you were saying!

But she had no words, yet Jonas understood her silent language.

After two months of basking in the warmth of human love and acceptance, Chelsea decided it was time to contact Mama Tanja and apologize for the disruption she had brought to her group home. Maybe Tanja would accept her as one more lost soul determined to overcome the traps of defeat and worthlessness and understand why she ran away. She had seen it happen a thousand times over in her group home - a lost sheep would return home desperate for reassurance that their life still mattered. And Mama Tanja would always welcome them with open arms, not because as a group home administrator it was expected, but because she too had been redeemed from a past so brutal and cruel, that no one, not no one, should endure that same unnecessary shame – ever again.

“Mama Tanja?” Chelsea could hardly speak. “Dare I call you and ask forgiveness for the grief I brought to your home? I was scared and lost my right mind. Fear makes you do things you would never do.

I had an encounter with God since we’ve talked last, and feel my life has turned a corner. I got a job and a place to live, but I feel there is still so much I need to take care of. I get overwhelmed sometimes. Maddy, the pastor’s wife here, is kind and patient with me, but I get impatient with myself. There’s this anxiousness that won’t subside. I can’t explain it. I get concerned.”

“Child, no need to fret,” Mama Tanja replied, “your Good Shepherd’s standing next to you right now, preparing the next steps you must take. Cling to Him and don’t let go. Stay tethered and you’ll be fine. I asked Him to take care of you and He will.”

Chelsea felt the urge to unload what was really on her mind the past weeks but struggled to find the words to describe the uncertainty that didn’t make sense.

“Why do I feel a prompting to come back and speak to the women who hurt me the most? Are they still there? What do you think? I’m not sure what I would say, except talking to them is all I can think about lately. This feeling I have is strong. I feel I need to tell them there is a better way to live and that God gave me another chance, not because I deserve it, but because He can use my pain to set others free from theirs. Does that make sense?”

“I think I get what you are saying," Chelsea answered, "that God can use my story to lead others to a better place. Oh wow, this is all coming into focus. I feel I have to tell others about what happens when you call out to Him. I would have never believed it myself until it happened to me. I’m getting nervous.”

“About that fine man you met? What is that all about? Where is he in the picture? Bring him with you," Mama Tanja chided.

“Oh Mama,” Chelsea sighed, “there’s no saying anything about him, except that God used him in a way I never knew God could use people. He’s probably back up in North Dakota by now, or exploring a new forest somewhere. But I suppose it’s worth a try to contact him. We stayed in touch for a while but then he said his work got so demanding. He’s such a great guy, so this will be a good excuse to reach out and see what he’s up to, and if he has any words of wisdom he’s willing to pass along.”

Mama Tanja sighed a gentle sigh. “Well darling, to make this real easy, why don’t you plan on coming the first of the month. We’ll be getting some new recruits in this place, and will be starting up our weekly devotions. I’m giving you first pick for when and how you’d like to engage with our beautifully broken guests here. You aren’t one of them anymore, so they will be real attentive to hear what you got to say.”

“Well you get that man to help you find the scriptures you need and let God do the talking. Those ladies will be all ears.” Mama Tanja chuckled picturing the evening and the conversations waiting to happen.

Jonas had a lot of catching up to do. It had been over a month since he and Chelsea corresponded, and Jonas knew all too well how much could happen in that span of time. God is like that. Everyday has its new challenges and its new promises. When a person’s heart is opened up to what the Holy Spirit wants to say, He could take them in any direction!

Chelsea didn’t have to beg Jonas to come to her rescue one more time, but instead, she invited him to join her if that was any way possible. Jonas would be strong support, emotionally and spiritually.

Mama Tanja welcomed Jonas and Chelsea into the foyer of Chadash Street Home, confident that each woman attending would have their opportunity to meet the Savior of their soul, the One who gave His all so they could be equipped to live out the calling on each one of their lives.

Chelsea’s thoughts rushed back to the night she fled the Chadash group home in search of a less complicated life. She was a good runner back then and had mastered the art of avoiding the obvious. But now, tonight, she knew she must share where, rather Whom, she had been running to lately. She felt compelled to take each lady by the hand and usher them into the loving arms of Jesus. Would they believe it was possible? All Chelsea needed to rely on was God’s promise to each of the ladies. It wasn’t her job to save anybody. It was only her job to point them in the right direction.

Jonas stepped aside and handed her the mike.

“One night, back when I turned fifteen, my step father decided I was too much work for him, so he chose to make me suffer for it. The abuse began. I was trapped under his iron fist of authority as his slave. His demands were more than I could bare.

One night, I ran away from his cave of darkness. That’s when I learned to run. Running into an oncoming car would have been more rewarding than what this vile man had to offer me. Running away became a way of life. But it didn’t take away the cravings my soul longed for. There was a gap, an emptiness that begged to be filled. My options for comforting myself came from drugs, alcohol, and more men who deceived me into believing I had any worth. I was only valuable if I met their needs.

Years later, I met a special lady at the market. She saw me meandering around crying and came and stood beside me. She said she would wipe away my tears and pulled a small cloth out of her bag. It smelled like roses. She remained standing next to me, and offered to walk me over to the bench across the parking lot.

I’m sad to say that in the following weeks and months, I felt unstable and inferior. Old habits have a way of controlling a person, and while I finally fell out from under the control of those who had treated me so poorly, I realized I had no control over my temper, my anger issues, and my bad choices. I had created patterns that weren’t easily broken. Something still controlled me."

Tension grew amongst the ladies. "I wasn’t the only one wrestling with fears and insecurities," she continued, "most of the residents had stories similar to mine, and some of them worse. Who was I to place any blame on them? But I felt cornered. The more I tried to be at peace, the more conflicted I felt. 

Soon, the home became a battleground, each person guarding their own space for fear an intruder, another resident, would spew hateful words out or attack one another with a vengeance that I wasn’t prepared for. Couple all that with the guilt I carried for acting like a fool all the years prior, and it was a real mess. An ugly mess, and no one wanted to clean it up. Except for Mama Tanja. She had a vision. A vision of what restoration looked like and what it could do for a person. But no one seemed to care about that vision. It was each man for himself. Emotions spiraled out of control.

On the night of August 1^st, at 6:00 PM, I decided enough was enough and left town. I didn’t know it at the time but God had already begun placing some pieces of my life story in position, but they weren’t obvious to me yet.

Enter this wonderful man here, may I bring my friend Jonas Adler back to the front. I met Jonas the night I ran from the home while I was hitchhiking on the highway, desperate and out of my mind. This angel reached out to me and I witnessed my first miracle. Jonas, I’ll let you finish the story.”

Something happened in the room. A hush fell over the ladies, and Chelsea prayed it was because the message they heard had found its way into their hearts. No one moved. She let the Holy Spirit do His work. A song played in the background, and Chelsea had to admit, she felt a slice of heaven was in the room.

How does a person summarize the goodness of God, she asked herself again. I tried to do it tonight but it’s impossible. No, we just have to live it out for others to see. God will bring us back full circle if we let Him. What we thought was a loss, He sees it as a gain. What we thought was a waste, He sees it as an opportunity. What we thought was trash, he sees it as a gift.

Like Mary in the Bible, Chelsea tucked all these things in her heart, trusting God to take the next step on her journey to be made whole. It wasn’t all up to her. No, God said what He began, He would carry on to completion. Chelsea’s role was to pray and seek God with all of her heart, because she now knew she would find Him every single time.