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Dominating Disappointment - Part III
by Tonja Taylor
2/07/2023 / Christian Living
I am not a counselor, nor a licensed minister, but I know what the LORD God has done for me and many others, and may this writing bring you answers and victory!
4 And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. 5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.--Romans 5:4-5, AMPC
When others don't do what we think they would, or should, or when they do something that seems totally out of character for them--especially if it's something against God--then we can be disappointed; deeply disappointed.
Disappointment can turn into major oppression; bitterness, sorrow, loss of accomplishment, addictions, broken relationships, and even physical death.
But there is good news! The LORD can and will turn our sorrow into joy; take off the heavy, death-dealing junk and bring us freedom, strength, and light! I'm living proof of that!
You have turned my mourning into dancing for me; You have put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,--Psalm 30:11, AMPC
God is the good God. He is positive! He is full of love and truth and strength and grace and joy. His Spirit is the Spirit of freedom, and He alone can heal our lives from disappointment.
Disappointment is a form of death, and the law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has freed us from the law of sin and death! Hallelujah!
We must immediately dominate disappointment, which is a mini-trauma (and often, can be a major trauma in our souls, that can cause trauma in our bodies!). We can take authority over these things in the Name of Jesus; over disappointment, unmet expectations, and trauma!
We must immediately recognize reject it, and, if needed, repent of disappointment--especially if it causes strife (a favorite tool of the enemy, who loves to separate, to divide, discourage and distract. But far greater is Jesus the Reconciler and Healer in us who believe in Him!).
I say "repent of it" because (Ask me how I know!) often, disappointment in others comes from our judgements of them.
There are many reasons why God is the only true Judge of humanity! He alone knows what is in the heart and mind of every person.
So, when we experience disappointment, one thing the LORD has taught me to do very quickly is to forgive, especially out loud.
Our feelings may not match. Often, they won't. Sometimes, they won't "match" what we're doing to forgive for months, or even years!
Yep, been there. Many times, but many of those disappointments came from my unrealistic expectations of people, especially ministers of God.
Most of us who are strong Believers want other Believers (especially our pastors and spouses) to be "perfect," meaning, we want to be able to trust in them to do and say the right things, and not do nor say what we don't like.
As true Believers, we are on a journey, and so, when we're purposely working on becoming more like Christ every day (and we should be, myself included!), the LORD will--as we can handle it!--point out things we need to change in ourselves, to truly allow more of Him to be seen in us by others.
I'm so glad the LORD is so patient with us, and I've been appalled at how much junk He's had to pull out of and off of me; to deliver me from--and that He's continue to use me as a vessel for His glory anyway!
That proves that any good in me is only God, not me!
Great is the mercy, grace, and faithfulness of our dear Father God, Who loves us beyond compare, forever!
Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.--Psalm 23:6, AMPC
(1) The first step in dominating disappointment is to forgive, and then refocus on the LORD Jesus, Who is good all the time, and loves us without fail, forever!
The LORD says that "He who trusts in Me will not be disappointed."
5 They cried to You and were delivered; they trusted in, leaned on, and confidently relied on You, and were not ashamed or confounded or disappointed.--Psalm 22:5, AMPC
There are times when, through gritted teeth (literally!), I've been so disappointed in my spouse or a minister, that I've said, "Holy Spirit, please remind me of the good things about (this person)!"
Then, He would help me remember, and I'd start speaking these good things about that person, to remind myself that there is much to celebrate and be thankful for.
(2) Being thankful, especially out loud, is also powerful to help us refocus on the LORD, and start overcoming the negatives. It is good to speak our forgiveness out loud, so that not only you can hear it, but the forces of darkness, who just hate it when we're thankful, because God commands us to be (I Thess. 5:18 and Psalm 100:4-5, among others)--for our own good!
Another thing that works for many is to get alone with the LORD and write down all the people and situations in which you've been disappointed. Then, you can picture the people and call them by name as if they were in front of you. You can allow yourself to feel the hurt, and while you're doing that, you can envision yourself telling them out loud (and it helps if you actually say these things out loud, between you and God0 that you forgive them, by the help and in the name of Jesus. You can further tell the LORD (and the people, if you like) that you release them from all expectations, and you release to the LORD all the disappointments and unmet expectations.
This is a cleansing of your soul. (It's called "Biblical surgery, and it works! Ask me how I know!)
There may be times when, although it will seem foolish and backwards, the LORD will have you to ask forgiveness of the very one who's hurt you so bad you (at the time) couldn't even see straight! He's had me do this more than once.
Yuck. However, we know the LORD loves us perfectly, and knows all things. So, when I've obeyed, many times the people seem surprised--like they have no idea what I'm talking about--and say, "Oh, well, okay, sure. I forgive you!"
To me, this means a few things: (1) That most likely, the people who disappointed me had no idea that they were hurting me, and didn't mean to. They were just being themselves, and I didn't like it; (2) It was a set-up from the enemy to cause a negative reaction in me. That has happened, certainly, and I've recognized the enemy's work, when the people had no idea or little idea that they were being used by him. Such is the problem with deception! (3) They knew exactly what they'd done, and probably more than once, but would never apologize to me in a million years--because they were more insecure than I had been to be threatened by whatever they did (or didn't do), and I was being, with the help of the LORD, the "bigger man" to humble myself, obey Him, and ask their forgiveness!
Our flesh (mind, will, emotions) hates this kind of stuff--humbling ourselves to ask forgiveness (and mean it! I'm not talking about lip service!) like this. It's part of the suffering that we have when we identify with Christ!
(3) Another thing we must remember, in spite of some pastors and others exhorting us to "just get over it" is that many times there are not only roots and wrong seeds that have been planted in us by the enemy through the years, but often, there are root systems, that are twisted and complex and connected to other wrong root systems, and only the LORD can help us get all this junk out (Ask me how I know!).
He answered, Every plant which My heavenly Father has not planted will be torn up by the roots.--Matthew 15:13, AMPC
But He--Jehovah Nissi, the LORD our Victorious Miracle Banner, Whose Banner over is is Love! is able to deliver us!
He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love [for love waved as a protecting and comforting banner over my head when I was near him].---Song of Solomon 2:4, AMPC
(4) We also need to ask the LORD to forgive us--for grieving Him, and for grieving others--and then tell Him we receive His forgiveness (even though we may not feel that we are forgiven. But we don't go on feelings. We go by what the Word of God says. His desire is for peace and abundance and love for all people. That was the original Plan in the Garden of Eden.
And this is the confidence (the assurance, the privilege of boldness) which we have in Him: [we are sure] that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us. 15 And if (since) we [positively] know that He listens to us in whatever we ask, we also know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted us as our present possessions] the requests made of Him.--I John 5:14-15, AMPC
Hallelujah! Our Daddy God (He's our Father once we have received Christ Jesus into our heart by believing in His shed blood on the cross over 2,000 years ago to pay for all our sins, that is! John 3:14-17, Romans 5:6) hears us and answers--and it's actually His Holy Spirit that is prompting and inspiring us to come to the Father in prayer!
He wants to answer our prayers!
(5) When we lean on the LORD and He helps us, knowing that we really do want to forgive, be free, and walk in love toward others, as He tells us to--and as we can only do through His Spirit!--He will truly restore our joy and peace.
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. 6 In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.--Proverbs 3:5-6, AMPC
We will realize that He's got our backs (and our emotions, when we trust Him with them, and allow Him to reveal and heal and cleanse and restore us!), and always will.
He knows everything about us--even every word before we speak it.
(6) Finally, we must remember after all of this to forgive ourselves! I didn't know that most of my life, and so I'd ask the LORD to forgive me (of whatever), but I'd still feel guilty. That is a trap and deception of the enemy, and sometimes our families and others have not helped that.
God means what He says--every time--and He only says what He means.
We don't know anybody like that, other than the LORD Himself.
He is the only One Who will never disappoint us, and the only One Who can help us to dominate disappointment!
He is true and loves us and so just pour out your heart to Him. He knows it all anyway, and He wants you to bring the junk to Him, and be free and healed, and have peace and joy and freedom and the abundant life otherwise that His Son, Jesus our Christ, our Messiah, our Savior and LORD, died to give us!
(7) We can ask Him to help us stay focused on Him, let Him love others through us (I Corinthians 13:4-7); not expect so much of people; draw closer to Him; and abide in Him through His Word, prayer, fellowship with other true Believers, and worship.
He will help us!
The Lord is my Strength and my [impenetrable] Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song will I praise Him..---Psalm 28:7, AMPC
Hallelujah!
Through books, courses, presentations, service, prayer, worship, and more, Tonja and her husband live to exalt God. Her series for girls, P.O.W.E.R. GIRL ADVENTURES, is now out (books I-V), along with LEGACY; YOUR HOLY HEALTH: VISIONS OF THE KING, and more. See the "River Rain Creative" YT channel.
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