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Unbeleive

by Emmanuella Ellis  
9/12/2017 / Christian Living

Even if you don’t hand out “Heaven” to me here on earth, will I still walk through “hell” with you?

I am rushing to have Heaven here on earth when you have already promised it to me at an appointed time. I would rather have “Heaven” on earth than the ideal Heaven until I am too old to have more. It’s so important to me that I am not willing to walk with you or as close with you unless otherwise. And so deep in my heart, I am not willing to go through trial with you or for you when at the end I don’t have any benefits.

I guess I didn’t even love you as much as I thought I did or as much as I said I did or maybe I never really believed. I guess never believed you when you said you loved me and had great plans for me. I never really believed that you are wise enough to know what’s good for me when I am clearly clueless as to what I want. After everything you have done to show me you love me, I still doubt you. Frankly I don’t know what else I need to see to believe because you have already done the ultimate.

I lied….You were really not enough for me.

I know I sang it out as often I could but its not true because if that was the case, having you by my side without all the earthly pleasures would be perfectly fine with me.

Or maybe its because I am scared, scared that I wont be able to handle it, it would just be too much. It’s obviously easy to choose comfort. But I don’t have a point there when you said you will always be with me and have sent the Holy Spirit to be my helper. When you said you won’t give me anything that is beyond me because your grace abounds and that the sufferings of this time cannot be compared to the glory ahead. I guess fear isn’t the real problem but unbelieve.

If I believed you, I will hold on to your words as truth. Overwhelming truths upon which I will build my faith, love and life.

Now I have to ask myself, if I believe and love you. Do I love you enough to be content just with you and your presence? 

Emmanuella Ellis currently resides in Montreal, Canada. Emmanuella has a passion for writing and encouraging others on their walk with Christ.
2015 Emmanuella Ellis

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