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MARRYING THE KILL

by Andre Lee  
11/19/2014 / Relationships

It is no secret. When you look at pop culture and media today, one of the things you can be certain of is that women are prizes to men. Movies, ads, and television commercials capture men's eyes by depicting women as the sex object the man is after. But as hard of a wrap that mainstream media gets for this, it's not too far removed from reality. Anyone whosever been to high school, college, or simply hung around a group of a guys, will likely hear them bragging about a woman who is eyeing one of them, different parts of some woman's body they were scoping out, and sexual escapades that they either had or are currently having.

Men love to be adored by women. It reassures them and constitutes a form of manhood ("there must be something good about me if she's looking"). And if a woman gives a man "the ultimate goal," it's a huge stroke to his ego. Most men then begin to rate themselves on how much a woman (or women) desires them, and focus their lives around garnering the attention of the opposite sex. It's almost like a game, with the high score being the fact that the woman is showing him romantic and sexual interest. The conquered territory (sex) is another notch on his belt. Once he has it, he'll do anything to keep it... including marriage!

If we can blow the lid off of the mind of a man, most men don't get into serious relationships, or marry, for love. The truth is, most men never get past the fact that they are wanted by a woman. The very fact that she desires him satisfies his hunger- at least for the time being. In an episode of the animated American favorite, The Simpsons, Lisa Simpson, having pity on a young nerd, Ralph Wigum, gives him a Valentine's day card because no one else did. When the young boy received the Valentine's day card, he fell head-over-heels in love with Lisa, making embarrassing statements about marrying her on national television. While it was a little exaggerated (in some cases), it shows what triggers the male gender-- attention! That's it! Show a man attention and you've got his undivided!

Of course, this has a very serious pitfall. Since most men are completely driven by attention, adoration, and worship, they often do not recognize the seriousness of marriage; marrying this woman simply because their relationship strokes his ego. He really has not taken into consideration who this woman is, all the baggage she may be carrying, what she expects from him, what he does and does not like about her, and every other interworking of a serious relationship. To make matters worse, he has locked himself into a promise with someone he truly doesn't know. Over the course of the next few years, he will begin to learn things about his mate that he really doesn't like, things that were always there from the beginning, but he never saw because he was too busy basking in the attention being shown to him. After he learns everything, he pops up on the 10th wedding anniversary and says, "Honey, I'm not happy." At that time, he knows everything he should've known from the start, had he been paying attention. It suddenly hits him that, unfortunately, "Outside of the fact that you were a notch on my ego belt, other than how much you desired me, I don't like anything about you." He was a hunter who married his kill.

Many women have found themselves in this heart-breaking predicament, where after years of marriage, a man will either leave, cheat, or both. The question all women want to know is "why?" She assumes that because she was in the relationship for a deep connection, he was there for one as well. So how could he leave, or cheat, if he felt that connection with me? The answer is, for most men, that connection doesn't come until much later long after the wedding vows have already been said. But initially, he's there for the attention. Now, this doesn't classify all men, but enough of them to mention. Without being insensitive, I would mention that a woman could filter out these kinds of men by not giving up the goods too early, but without knowing why the man is actually in the relationship, she often can't make a good judgment call here.

After the years have passed, the attention magic has died down, and he has learned who you really are, he will gravitate towards a new woman showing him attention, want a divorce, or stick it out through what he has found out about you. But in any case, this situation is a lot more difficult than it needs to be, due to the men who hunt, and the women who become their prey.

-Andre Lee

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Author and teacher Andre Lee has dedicated his life to preparing the church for the coming of Christ.

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