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LOVE ME BUT DON'T CORRECT ME

by willetta pilcher  
7/26/2013 / Womens Interest

Carolyn sat staring out of the window on a quiet, late October morning with her Bible spread out in her lap. One of the verses she had just read disturbed her. She read the devotional scripture for the day again.

Col 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Col 3:14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Col 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
Col 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

It was the sixteenth verse that jumped out at her. Especially the word admonish. She reached under the end table and retrieved her dictionary. "Adm..onish, Admonish" she murmured to herself, "to rebuke somebody mildly but earnestly; to advise somebody to do or, more often, not to do something."

"Lord," she prayed, "Why does it have to be me. I don't like conflict and if I rebuke her she will take it wrongly and.."

The phone interrupted her thoughts. It was her older sister, LeAnn, with her usual list of complaints. "It's so chilly Fred left without The kids"

"LeAnn," Carolyn said gently, "Have you ever considered that your mind set may be creating some of your problems?"

The silence on the other end of the line was deafening. "Wh..a..t do you mean, my mind set?"

"Well, the scripture says that God will keep us in perfect peace if our mind is set on him (Is 25:3). And you don't seem very peaceful anymore to me."

"I can't believe you just said that to me. I thought you loved me and would be happy to share my burdens." And with that she hung up the phone in a huff.

Somewhere in this crazy mixed up world the idea has come along that if you love someone you will never say nor hint that another person might be wrong. People who love should accept everyone just like they are and not try to encourage them to change (grow) even if it means a better life for them.

Who, of us, does not need admonition at times, sometimes daily. We are forgiven and righteous in Christ Jesus but we are far from perfect. John, speaking to believers said,

1Jn 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
1Jn 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1Jn 1:10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
1Jn 2:1 My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.

The scripture has much to say about what we should do for one another. Here is a list

Admonish.. Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16
Bear Burdens.. Galatians 6:2
Be Kind . Ephesians 4:32
Be Subject 1 Peter 5:5
Build Up. Hebrews 3:13; Hebrews 10:25
Comfort. 1 Thessalonians 4:18
Confess to James 5;16
Consider Hebrews 10:24
Consume Not.. Galatians 5:15
Fellowship with.. 1 John 1:7
Forbear . Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13
Forgive .. Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13
Greet.. 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Peter 5:14
Grudge Not.. James 5:9
Have Compassion 1 Peter 3:8
Judge Not.. Romans 14:13
Kindly Affectioned.. Romans 12:10
Lie Not Colossians 3;9
Likeminded Toward Romans 15:5
Love.. John 13:34-35; John 15:12; John 15:17; Romans 13
1 Thessalonians 4:9; 1 Peter 1:22; 1 John 3:11;
1 John 4:7; 1 John 4:11; 2 John 1:5; 1 John 3:23;1 John 4:12
Love Toward. 1 Thessalonians 3;12
Minister 1 Peter 4:10
Pray.. James 5:16
Preferring Romans 12:10; 1 Timothy 5:21
Peace With. Mark 9:50
Receive Romans 15;7
Salute.. Romans 16:16
Same Mind. Romans 12:16
Serve Galatians 5:13
Submit. Ephesians 5:21
Use Hospitality 1 Peter 4:9

Most of the things we are to do for one another appear to be what most people would call "positives." However the need to "admonish one another" is just as much an act of love as the need to "minister one to another." And it to is a "positive" if done in the right spirit.

If we are never confronted with a need to change, how will we ever grow? Granted, we are to let love and concern for the person rule our approach but it is not unloving to correct someone.

It is my opinion that psychology has promoted the idea of just listening and never confronting an individual with a wrong way of thinking. Their method seems to be one of allowing a person to come into correct thinking on their own. It may happen but sometimes it takes years and by that time a habit of major proportions has been established. And by that time thousands of dollars has also passed hands. And who can assess the broken trail of heartache that has been left behind.

It is a proven fact that the "cure rate" is as great when friends converse over the kitchen table as when one talks with a professional. There is something about hearing ourselves say things and replaying the conversation later in our mind that helps to correct our course. If our friends have the nerve to disagree with our wrong assessments we have an opportunity for growth. But if our friends agree with us about our misconceptions, the wrong way of thinking is only re-enforced.

I can think of three very dear friends who had the courage to admonish me. I did not particularly appreciate it at the time but what a change it made in my life! It caused me to think and to reassess my life pattern. I praise God for their faithful witness.

When someone's thinking is challenged (ours included) there is an opportunity for growth. Left to our own thoughts we tend to affirm misconceptions over and over until they become life patterns.

Oh, the outcome of the conversation between Carolyn and LeAnn? While Carolyn prayed for her sister the Holy Spirit reaffirmed Carolyn's gentle reminder. LeAnn had to admit that Carolyn was right. She was negative. So the consequence of that conversation was that LeAnn called and apologized. This set the stage for her to begin to focus on the good things of her family's lives and the whole family benefitted from her change of focus.

Willetta has spent most of her life ministering to people. In her late seventies, and a wheelchair now her mode of travel, she now ministers to people through the internet. Her webs are...
www.teachmethyways.org
www.successwithkids.org
www.theseedsower.org

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