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Thorn In My Flesh

by Shelia Hardie
11/16/2012 / Self Help

Recently I was diagnosed with PTSD. It is a result of many years of the sexual, mental, and physical abuse by my father and mother. No one ever knew how much this had affected me because I hid the truth so well. Mainly because when I did confront my mother with the truth...she basically did nothing. She called my father at work and confronted him with the issue and when he came home, he sat at the kitchen table and told her that he was so ashamed that he consumed rat poison. She and my younger sister ran to his feet crying for his life and consoling him while I sat alone on the couch hoping that what he said was true and I was patiently waiting for him to die. As it turns out, he lied. And nothing was done or said after that. At that moment I knew that I was alone. This was the time in my life when I began to question myself if God really existed.
I remember when I was 6 or 7 years old and my father was touching, rubbing and fondling me..I would cry out "God please make him stop!" And my father would always tell me "God is not here." We went to church every Sunday and every night I would pray for the death of my father.
I have a different view of God now, I know that He was there with me and He saw my suffering and He heard my cries. I often ask myself, "why would I have to suffer the abuse?" "How would that make me be a better christian or disciple ?" Even to this day I struggle with the nightmares of the molesting that was done to me. These memories are the thorn in my flesh that are deep and is painful when I try to pull it out. So how do I go on? I get down on my knees every day and ask my Lord and Savior for strength. And from God's word written by the apostle Paul I remember everyday 2 Corinthians 12:9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

I Shelia Hardie state that all the statements are from my own experiences and cannot be credited to anyone other than myself

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