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Christian Codependency: Loving Too Much

by Karla Downing  
8/30/2012 / Relationships

Are you struggling with Christian codependency and finding yourself loving too much? Jesus told us that the two main commandments were to love God and others. A popular Christian song had the following lyrics: "And they will know we are Christians by our love." Christians know they should love, but they don't know always know how. The emphasis is on forgiveness, tolerance, turning the other cheek and grace. The result is that they end up forgetting about the other side of love.

God's love includes all those things, but it also includes accountability, reaping and sowing, and righteousness. Consider the following verses that illustrate the other side of love:

Romans 13:10 says, "Love does no harm to its neighbor" (NIV). How can love harm? It harms when it condones or supports people in a way that enables them to continue in destructive behavior that hurts themselves or others. God doesn't enable. He doesn't condone or encourage sin. He doesn't make us choose what is right, but he doesn't help us to continue doing wrong. He does everything to draw us back toward good.

Galatians 6:7-8 says, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life" (NIV). God's law of reaping and sowing means that people will inevitably suffer or benefit from their choices. When they make good choices, they reap good things; when they make bad choices, they reap bad things. The problem is that codependency makes you intervene in this process. When you are uncomfortable allowing your loved one to suffer, you fix things and prevent the natural learning that takes place from consequences.

Romans 2:4 says, "God's kindness leads you toward repentance" (NIV). God is working in our lives to bring us either to salvation if we are not saved or sanctification if we are saved. Both push us toward righteousness. The things that we do in codependency that come from fear, control, and reactivity complicate the problems and often cause the person to respond to us in negative ways. They do the opposite of what we really want.

Is it possible to love too much? Yes, when you are suffering from Christian codependency and applying only one side of love.
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Next, if you need more practical tips and Biblical truths to help you change your relationships, get my FREE "15-Day Relationship Challenge" designed to give you back the power over your life.

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