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Angel in the Diner

by Trecia Wright
2/26/2010 / Womens Interest

Sitting here at this four person table at 7am, in this small town family owned diner all by myself, is almost more than my nerves can take. I try to sip from the hot coffee cup in my shaking hand, but miss my lips. My eyes are not focused on the cup moving up to my quivering lips. Instead they are heavily watching the regular patrons wonder in and out. Is he coming?

Last night, after months of not speaking, I had finally heard from Ryan. My on/off boyfriend of fifteen years whom I'd had an adulterous affair with until recently. God had convicted me so strongly that I could not live with myself if I kept seeing him. I dumped him quickly and unexpectedly. The pain caused by the whole situation was unbearable. I just needed some time to let God work on me. I had since started the divorce process and had been living on my own for quite a while. The lonely nights were getting to me but I was learning how to let Jesus comfort me. Imagining being in his arms was more comforting than any man I could have found. That was until last night.

Last night Ryan called. I regularly kept in contact with his brother and his brother's new wife who was also a long time friend. He knew how to get a hold of me. Ahhh, life in a small town. Ryan's voice was raspy and deep. Oh, how I had missed that voice. It soothed my soul. The knot in my stomach was back. But I didn't care. I wanted to see his face. It had been so long. Surely it would be okay now. Who cares if he's hung over from another drunken binge? He still sounds like warm apple pie. He has always been my biggest weakness.

After chatting him up for a few minutes I took a big leap right off the emotional cliff. Before I knew it I had invited him to meet me at this busy little diner for coffee. He was supposed to be here at 7 a.m. It's now 7:05. My eyes again fixed on the door. I couldn't help replaying the last time we were together in my head. He had asked me to stay. Not to go back to my home. In one unimaginable romantic gesture to just leave it all behind, and be with him. Profess my unending love for him and just stay. I couldn't do it. How could I do that? I had paper work, bills piling up, a house to clean, things to do. I couldn't just stay. Besides, I wasn't sure yet what was happening between me and my husband. I knew it was wrong to be in his arms. I had to pull myself away. Get back to real life. A couple of months later, my husband and I did decided to separate anyway but Ryan was not involved. I was thankful for that. I knew if it happened it had to be without him involved.

Since then I have felt like I am in some spiritual boot camp. I prayed so hard for God to take over my life and boy is he. Many people have left my life without reason or explanation. New relationships with stronger Christians have begun to take their place. I don't even want to listen to the same music any more. Everyday I awake and spend time with the Lord. Every night is spent in the Lord's arms. He has become my refuge and my true prince of peace. But still I wait for this man who I know deep inside is not good for me. I push the conviction away. He's like an addiction that I just can't seem to put down. Why am I sitting here? It's now 7:10.

My hands shake even more. What was I thinking? How could I have been so stupid to think he would actually choose to get up early to come see me? This is a test and he is failing miserably. I wanted to know if he was going to choose me over the alcohol this time. Would he stay home sober so he could make sure to be here this morning? Why would he, he never has before? Every part of me is screaming You Fool! It's 7:15 a.m. Here come the tears. Oh I hate it that I cry so much. Oh God, I cry out in my spirit, please take this pain it's too much. Just then I hear the bell on the door as it opens. I can feel someone staring at me. What do I do? Do I ignore him because he's late? Maybe I should play hard to get. Maybe I should fly into his arms. Maybe it's not too late to profess my unending love. Slowly I allow my gaze to drift in that direction. It takes a moment for my eyes to focus through the tears welling up.

There she is. His brother's wife smiling at me with a warm, "Let me hug you" look in her eyes. The tears are rapidly falling now. Wetting my face and dotting my shirt. The bittersweet feeling of seeing her standing there is overwhelming. I have been feeling like such an idiot sitting here all alone waiting. People have been watching me. I can tell they are wondering to themselves what I'm doing. But finally someone is here to save me from their relentless stares. See, I had a reason for sitting here all this time. I don't feel quite so publicly humiliated but still my heart sinks at the sight of her. I know her presence means Ryan is not coming. I know that's true. I can tell in my soul it is. But as she begins to walk toward me something inside of me changes. Looking into a pair of big brown eyes instead of the green ones I expected is okay. God speaks to me in my spirit. He knew Ryan was not coming. He sent her in his place to hold me and comfort me. In my lonely morning hours at a diner in small town U.S.A. here is God. Giving me more than any man on earth ever could.

Trecia is a homemaker and freelance writer. Her journey from the darkness into the light is a testimony of God's mercy and grace. Trecia recognized much of her entanglements with substances stemmed from basic hurts of life. She now seeks to share her experience of healing in Jesus Christ with others. Trecia put her faith to action by creating a website which is a hub of information and resources to help people recover from the issues of life. More of her articles can be found at www.liferecoverymissions.com.

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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