A Perfect Day

Gripping the heavy fabric of the hotel drapes with both hands, Shirelle flings the curtains wide open. “Yes! Bright sunlight! Exactly what I prayed for.”

Gordana steps up behind her. "Beautiful! It’s perfect weather for a beachside wedding. I hope today will be everything you ever dreamed of and then some.”

A Tricky Situation

Recently, I read the autobiography of a celebrity who has worked in television and radio for around fifty years. I found her memoir both interesting and delightful, but one of the anecdotes she shares in her book left me feeling flummoxed. Because in her autobiography, she recounts that, after her second husband proposed, she hoped she would marry at a pretty, little church in Darling Point, Sydney, but while discussing the wedding arrangements with the church minister, her plans fell through because the minister felt uncomfortable about marrying a couple whose first marriages had both ended in divorce.

The minister’s discomfort probably arose from the command found in Matthew 5:31 and 32 which states that marrying a divorced person, while the first spouse still lives, constitutes adultery. Disappointed, this celebrity and her new fiancé tried again at another pretty church but that church declined on the same grounds. Then, finally, on their third try, they found a Christian minister who did allow divorcees to perform their wedding vows at the altar of his chapel. That transformed her disappointment into laughter and joy, and although, finally, she did get the wedding she dreamed of, her account opened my eyes to the tricky situations pastors must often face while carrying out their spiritual duties. Because it sounds as though this celebrity grew up unchurched, and if that’s so, and this was her first formal experience with Christianity, it’s sad that her first experience with the Christian faith left her feeling so crummy, and so this anecdote of her's reminded me of how important it is that we take the biblical command of praying for our pastors seriously, as they  face these kinds of challenges, unseen by their congregations, during the week.

Grace And Compassion

Christians have different interpretations of the passages found in the Bible which speak about divorce and remarriage. Some Christians believe divorce and remarriage are always unacceptable. Others believe the Bible does indeed give permission for divorce and remarriage but only in a few situations. This celebrity left her first husband because of domestic violence and drug use while her new fiancé left his first marriage because of huge verbal arguments. You should definitely live separately from your spouse if you find yourself on the receiving end of his or her fists, but whatever your beliefs, regarding which circumstances the Bible allows divorce and remarriage in, we must share those views with those considering divorce and remarriage with bucketloads of grace and compassion, especially when dealing with non-Christians, because I’m sure everyone who marries enters matrimony hoping that love, kindness and respect will define it, and it must kill when the opposite unfolds.

I’ve seen women glowing with joy and devotion on their wedding day, and I’ve met other bitter and twisted women whose faces, years later, radiate with hate and rage because of the treatment they received from their first husbands while married to them. The experience of transforming from a blushing, elated bride into a man or woman who radiates with hate and anger must burn, and if we meet men and women who’ve gone through such an agonising ordeal, that’s not the people in whom we should feel angry or disappointed. The person responsible for such a metamorphosis is the one we must graciously reproof, rebuke and pray for the repentance of.

Listening

I believe the Bible only allows remarriage, while a first spouse still lives, in certain situations, and I believe that’s not the only restriction God places on who can and cannot marry. I believe the Bible rules out polygamous and homosexual marriages, but I believe it also restricts Christians from marrying non-Christians and I believe it even discourages Christians from marrying Christians they’re not equally yoked with. Why does the Bible place restrictions on who can and who cannot marry? It’s because God cares for us. He loves us much more than we’ll ever know, and when God gives us a command, it’s because He’s hoping we’ll listen and obey Him, so we’ll avoid heartache later on down the track.

In the last few months, I’ve read the memoirs of several famous people, and in each one, they state that friends and family expressed reservations about them going through with marrying their first spouse. The family members of the above celebrity also discouraged her from marrying her first fiancé, but each celebrity tied the knot anyway, and in each marriage, except one (which sounded gruelling and which definitely had biblical grounds for breaking up), all those first marriages ended in divorce, as their family and friends predicted. The above celebrity's first husband physically abused her. Had this celebrity listened to those who offered their opinion, she could have missed out on experiencing domestic violence and jumped straight to the good stuff.

Thoughtful Prayer

Instead of experiencing abuse or disappointment in her first marriage, this celebrity may have experienced wedded bliss a lot sooner because this celebrity states in her book that her second marriage filled her with great happiness with her second husband serving her breakfast in bed and flowers every weekend. This celebrity describes her second husband as “my great love” and “best friend” and describes him as a man adept at romance, buying her a tile on the Sydney Opera House and planning something special for every one of her birthdays and every one of their anniversaries. Their marriage lasted thirty-three years before the husband's premature death. Had this celebrity listened, perhaps she would only have had positive experiences of marriage, so if you’re friends, family members, and especially God, voice reservations about your upcoming marriage, listen!

And, in the meantime, while we go about our daily business during the week, may we remember our pastors and how difficult their jobs must feel sometimes, especially when dealing with unbelievers. We must pray God will give them eloquent speech and gracious spirits but also that God will give them the resolve they must possess to stand strong while they obey what they believe the Bible teaches, even though it may offend and especially when obeying such a resolve would offend the hearts and minds of unchurched non-believers. Praying for our pastors? It only takes a moment, but the Bible says it can achieve so much in God’s name, so let’s do it as God commands us.

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