Division

Shopping-Plaza Drama

“Wow, that dress looks good. You should buy it,” Michelle says.

“Yeah,” says Jade. “It flatters you in all the right places, and the colour looks great on you.”

Sarah tugs at the hem of the dress she’s wearing, seeing if it will stretch any longer. “It’s a bit short don’t you think?”

“Silly,” says Michelle. “There’s no such thing as too short. There’s nothing wrong with it at all. Come on, let’s get it.”

Sarah stares at her reflection. She turns side on, smoothing her hand over her tummy. Then, she stands backwards, twisting her neck around, so she can view how the frock looks from behind.

“Yeah, I don’t know,” she says. “I think we should keep looking. I don’t think we’ve found the right dress yet.”

Jade sighs. She places her hand on her hip and says, “I hate shopping with you.”

“Yeah,” says Michelle. “You can always find something wrong, even with the prettiest of dresses.”

Sarah’s cheeks burn. “Sorry, but I don’t think God would want me wearing it, and I don’t want guys sexually harassing me. You know what they’re like.”

Jade’s eyes harden. “God doesn’t care what you wear, and if boys have an issue with it, that’s their problem, not yours.”

Scowling, Michelle slings her bag over her shoulder. “Come on, Jade,” she says. “I’ve had enough of this. Let’s go sample perfumes instead.” 

Jade follows Michelle out of the store. As she steps out the door, she turns and says, “From now on, Sarah, you can shop on your own.”

Divided Households

Luke 12 says, Do you suppose that I came to give peace on earth? I tell you not at all but rather division. For from now on, five in one house will be divided: three against two and two against three. Father will be divided against son and son against father and mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

This means, that although God sometimes saves whole families not everyone in a family will accept Jesus. This will cause friction because Jesus promised that the world will hate us if we become Christians because the world hates Jesus. Sadly, sometimes “the world” includes members of our own family, and they hate us for the decision we’ve made to follow Jesus.

1 Peter 4 says division will even separate us from our non-Christian friends when we decide that we’ve spent enough of our past life walking in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. When we repent of this way of living, the Bible says our unsaved friends, will think it strange and will speak evil of us, and it’s my experience that not only does the gospel cause this kind of division but “modesty” dressing does also. Relationships with people I loved with great affection and devotion, which seemed intertwined, unbreakable and never ending, now barely exist. Not because I’ve threatened nuclear war with Ukraine or because I’ve plotted an invasion of Taiwan, but because I chose that I would keep my shoulders, back, tummy and thighs covered when I received teaching that told me that it pleases God.

An Isolating Choice

Christians classify dirty movies, partying, nightclubbing, getting drunk, doing drugs and having sex outside of marriage as sins, but when you’re young, it seems that’s all most people enjoy. If you refrain from these activities, you spend a lot of time on your own because most people aren’t Christians and when you do meet a Christian, most Christians seem terribly busy and so they can’t help you fill in your desolate, solitary life with more wholesome activities. As a younger woman, I even rang up Christian ministries asking if they needed a hand, but those ministries were dead and not doing much and so they didn’t have anything I could join in with.

I found that isolation so painful. I felt like I would die, and that loneliness intensified when, after receiving modesty teaching, I realised I must now class shopping with friends as an activity I should avoid because when I chose clothes that covered more of my body, my friends would get angry or laugh and scoff. They also made cruel comments. Not only did I get told that I looked less pretty than women who had their shoulders, backs, tummies and thighs showing, I was told that I looked ugly. That puzzled me because, although my clothing had changed, I still had the same face and figure. Another thing that confounded me is that although modesty dressing doesn’t eliminate sexual harassment, when I wore fewer revealing clothes, I found it reduced it. I wondered why my friends didn’t feel happy that I had found something that cut down the number of times I experienced unwanted sexual behaviour.

Getting mocked and derided, that’s not enjoyable. So, overtime, I stopped shopping in groups and started shopping alone. I even decided, that if I married, I’d shop for a wedding dress on my own because I knew buying a dress with more coverage would upset those watching me. I would also have no bridesmaids, I decided, because that would save me the drama of shopping for bridal party dresses. That’s difficult for a girl because one of the main ways females make friends and bond when they’re young, is by shopping for clothes with each other, and when I watch television shows of women shopping for wedding dresses with their family and bridesmaids, it seems, in most cases, it’s a wonderful memory they can share with each other in years to come.

Swimming and exercising, something I love, also became an immoral activity that I either refrained from or did alone because instead of wearing only a swimsuit or skimpy gym clothes, I now wore a t-shirt and boardshorts on top when I swam and longer, looser gym clothes when I ran. That also made people angry or induced more laughter and mocking. I find that strange because it’s well known that Australian’s have a high incidence of contracting skin cancer. Treatments for skin cancer can cause disfigurement and sometimes people with skin cancer die young, such as a family member of mine. Swimming and exercising alone? That’s not fun and it’s not always safe, but because of all the animosity my t-shirt and boardshorts caused, it became the only way of enjoying it. I think that’s sad.

Be Kind

It’s my experience that if a man or woman believes your outfit doesn’t fit their modesty rules, they approach you with anger. Those angry rebukes deepened the isolation and boredom I experienced because a lot of times my outfit did meet the modesty rules but because the outfit was red or because I’d worn nail polish or a hair clip, I still received an angry reprimand. I hope that will start changing.

I hope we will start realising that not all women are part of the Duggar family, a family which all seemed on the same page about what constituted a modest or an immodest outfit, and because of that, when a woman chooses that she will keep certain areas of her body covered, she experiences great seclusion and monotony because her former friends now speak evil of her. She may also experience division, even in her own home, with five in one house divided: three against two and two against three. Father divided against son and son against father and mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law with much loved relationships that seemed intertwined, unbreakable and never ending, now barely there.

References

Luke 12:51 NKJV

Acts 16:31-34 NKJV

John 15:18&19 NKJV

1 Peter 4:3&4 NKJV

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