Feeling Disrespected

Tylee freezes as two hands grip her waist, one on either side.

“Eek,” she squeals, as the hands squeeze her sides, then let go.

Tylee turns her head, looking over her shoulder.

Who did that? she thinks.

She spies a brown-haired woman, not much bigger than herself.

Sharnelle, she thinks. I don’t like working with her.

Sharnelle smiles then says, “Come on, chicken. Get into it. The sooner we get this done the faster we can go home.”

And that’s exactly why I don’t like working with Sharnelle, Tylee thinks. Not only does she sneak up behind me, frightening the life out of me, she always calls me chicken, but I’m not. I’m much stronger and courageous than people give me credit for, and I’m getting fed up with hearing that I’m not.

Misunderstanding the Bible

The Bible says if somebody insults you, instead of seeking revenge, you should turn the other cheek, letting your offender slap you on the other cheek also. It says we should forgive people who offend us and not only that we should forgive them but that we should forgive them seventy-seven times, meaning we should repeatedly forgive those who provoke us until we forget how many times we have offered them forgiveness. I learnt this teaching as a child, but with my juvenile mind, I misunderstood how forgiveness works.

As a child, I believed that if someone hurt me, I should pretend it never happened, shrug it off and get on with my day. I believed that if I confronted the person who hurt me and let them know their words or behaviour had caused me great pain, that was retaliating or seeking revenge. So, instead of telling those who bruised me how I felt, I would bury my pain deep within my heart. Then, because my offender didn’t know they had wounded me, they would repeat their hurtful behaviour over and over. This intensified my immured pain until it became so excruciating my heart and mind overflowed with incredible anger, which morphed into thunderous hatred.

A Grave Warning

1 John gives grave warnings about despising our brothers. It says, He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now; whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him; and it says if someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? These verses terrified me. How can I call myself a Christian but still have so much hate raging inside me? I thought.

I laboured at quelling this venomous swell of loathing but none of my ideas for subduing these intense emotions worked. I tried listing traits I liked about my tormentors; behaving outwardly as if I liked my abusers, hoping my inward feelings would follow along later; and willing myself to love those who hurt me, but hate still rampaged inside. I could not contain and dissolve the monster exploding inside my soul. Then, I read Leviticus 19:17, You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbour, and not bear sin because of him.

Defeating Hate

This verse became the key that helped me extinguish some of the hate that boiled inside of me because this verse means that if you don’t confront people with their sin, you will harbour hatred for them in your heart. That contradicted the belief I’d construed during childhood, that telling people they’d hurt me was the same as revenge and retaliation.

I detest confrontation. I hate it even more than I despise getting called a coward, but I decided I would trust that what God wrote in Leviticus was true when I found myself in a situation where I kept getting called a chicken. The only time I’ve ever heard anyone get called chicken is when they have behaved in a cowardly manner. I resented that because I don’t believe I am a coward.

Anger grew in my  heart every time I got called chicken until I felt hatred towards the people calling me this name, but when I eventually confronted these accusers, I found out that some people use the word chicken as a term of endearment, like saying, “Hello, honey,” “How’s it going, pumpkin” or “Pull up a stool, pigeon.” Clearing up this misunderstanding helped me eradicate some hate from my heart because it’s hard hating someone who’s not offending you, but rather, in their own clumsy way, showing you love.

Correcting Misunderstandings

Not every insult or hurtful behaviour needs confronting. Sometimes shrugging  an insult off and getting on with your day is the best option because rebuking your neighbour doesn’t always work out so well. It doesn’t always vanquish hatred and anger. Sometimes rebuking your neighbour inflames your dangerous emotions because some people don’t offend us by accident. Some people provoke others with malicious intentions, and when we confront them about it, we verify that their antagonising actions have hurt us and when they’ve received confirmation of this, that their riling actions have disgruntled us, instead of apologising and repenting of their disturbing behaviour, they up the ante. So, if you’re in a situation that’s tempting you to harbour hate inside your heart, pray and gain wise counsel about whether obeying Leviticus 19:17  would improve or worsen the circumstances enraging your heart.

If you feel you should go ahead and obey Leviticus 19:17, remember the Bible says we’re all capable of sinning, and in time, you’re the one who will need rebuking. The word rebuke in Leviticus 19:17 can mean reprove, correct, convince, convict, chide, chasten, argue and reason together. As one day, we might find ourselves on the receiving end of a rebuke, rather than chiding and chastening, I recommend reasoning together and convincing until the one in the wrong feels convicted that their behaviour needs correcting.

As a child, I also thought forgiving and turning the other cheek meant becoming a doormat and remaining in abusive situations, forgiving and reconciling over and over even if the person offending never apologises, doesn’t feel sorry and shows no change in their behaviour. This misunderstanding also harboured hate in my heart because loving someone who continually causes you pain becomes incredibly hard. I overcame this misunderstanding and the hate that grows with it by reading Christian books and sermons about what forgiveness and reconciliation really look like and what forgiveness and reconciliation doesn’t look like. If you’re remaining in an abusive situation because of this misunderstanding, and instead of your hatred  and anger dissipating, it’s growing worse, I hope reading Christian books and sermons about forgiveness, anger and hatred will help you conquer these sinful emotions also.

References

Matthew 5:38-40

Matthew 18:21&22

Leviticus 19:17

1 John 2:9

1 John 3:15

1 John 4:20

Literal Word app

https://biblehub.com

All rights to this article belong to the author, but, this article may be freely redistributed as long as the content of the article is not changed.