My son went to church one night and left there a new man. The next day he told a coworker, “I thought I was a Christian, but I didn’t have a clue!” Four days later he died suddenly, unexpectedly, of a heart attack at the way-too-young age of 30.

 I will see him again one day in heaven so despite the heartbreak factor, that is a good story. However, looking deeper, a different story is revealed.

 Anthony grew up as our second son and a good big brother to his sister. As his parents, we became Christians before he was born and did all the “right” things we knew to do, or at least thought to be right to do like going to church and Sunday school, having family devotions every day for a while when the kids were in elementary school, saying the blessing before eating, etc. All three of the children prayed “the sinner’s prayer” and “got saved”. So, we raised them right, didn’t we?

 Well, no, we didn’t.

 If we had, my son would have had no reason to say he didn’t have a clue what really being a Christian is.

 As Christmas was fast approaching about a month ago, I thought about how sadly dysfunctional our family was as the children were growing up and the damage it did to us. While my family had serious character issues, I won’t go into detail as it would amount to airing our dirty laundry, accomplishing nothing helpful, and because as I sat here, listening, God revealed that all of those big things that went on behind closed doors, had been enormously destructive to our family, but it doesn’t take those big ugly things to destroy a family. It happens when there are certain “smaller” yet still destructive characters in a home, things we try not to let anyone outside the family become aware of…because it would destroy the witness we like to present.

 People have forgotten that children learn what they live, not necessarily what we conscientiously teach them in church and Sunday school, and other good things. What children hear and observe others, especially parents, saying and doing, speaks louder than the organized teaching we plan for them.

 In 1954 Dorothy Law Nolte wrote a poem about this very phenomenon, about these “smaller things” we prefer to keep hidden from others and the damage they cause to precious lives.

 When my grandson was only about five years old, he innocently reminded me that I was sending him mixed messages on two separate occasions. One day he was riding in the car with me, and another driver did something foolish and dangerous. My thoughts came rushing out of my mouth and a few seconds later he said, Grandma, you don’t like the way some people drive do you?” The other time, I was getting into the car to go somewhere without him and his parting words to me were, “Be careful Grandma, there’s crazies out there.”

 Neither incident seems like a terrible sin, but neither one is how he was being “trained up in the way he should go.” (Proverbs 22:6). So, I unwittingly gave him an example of “do as I say, not as I do.” To this day, over 20 years later, he yells at bad drivers in other cars.

 Yelling at other drivers who can’t hear it doesn’t appear to be terribly damaging to one’s character development from a human standpoint, but as you read this short poem, consider how the things so easy to do without thinking are setting up our children to have life more difficult at the same time we are instructing them in a Godly walk leading to life more abundant.

 CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

--Dorothy Law Nolte

 If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

 If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

 If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

 If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.

 If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

 If a child lives with encouragement, he learns

confidence.

 If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

 If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

 If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

 If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

 If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he

learns to find love in the world.

I was raised in church but always felt like I was missing something. Now the Word of God excites me! My curiosity enhances the pursuance of discernment. I have often felt discouraged, but not totally defeated knowing that in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.