When dealing with the subject of male/female relationships, many of my colleagues in the mainstream mess coven still assume that the deterioration of a romance rests squarely on the shoulders of the man.  Brothers, in this week’s column we are heading for the deep water to handle the seldom dealt with matter of what to do, if the sweetheart of your life decides that she wants to head out the door of your life.

     This is happening a LOT more than you realize.  Thanks to the increasing use of ‘No Fault Divorce’, a woman can decide to ‘chuck’ the husband and kids and decide to go out and ‘find’ herself.  This decade of the 90s has seen—thus far—at least two years where MORE divorces were filed by women, instead of men!

     During the summer months a few years back, I had the opportunity to do a radio version of THE MANHOOD LINE.  I appreciate the support I received from the brotherhood, my sponsor and my on-air producer and sidekick Rick Woodard.  I also wanted to thank the brothers who called the show.

     One call formed the basis of our column today.  It was from a distraught husband.  Up front, he admitted that his marriage was in trouble.  Both husband and wife were Christians and so were his in-laws.

     However, it seemed that his in-laws had been leading his wife astray with a misinformation campaign.  The campaign was working, because his wife had packed, and was out the door.  I stunned the caller and our studio guests by telling the husband to let her go.

     SAY WHAT, MIKE?

     In the immortal words of Major Payne: “I didn’t stutter.”  I realize that the information was shocking in scope, but it was clothed in truth.  If she decided to walk, there was nothing he as her husband could do until SHE decided to come to her senses, disregarded the advice of her parents and realized that she had to want to come under his authority as outlined in the KJV Bible.  It was a clear choice: submit to his headship and stay or reject his leadership and walk.

     Brothers, you cannot stop a woman who wants to walk out the door.  She has to want to stop herself.

COMING BACK TO REALITY:

     The biblical principle guiding this matter can be found in the parable of The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32 KJV).  Briefly, until the wayward son came to himself; lost all of his money, lost all of his fickle friends and was humbled.  He could NOT see life clearly.  He could not see, nor value life with his father under his father’s roof.  This young man decided to repent (change his direction, attitude, and ways), return home and ask for forgiveness and restoration into the family line.  The end result?  By the young man (The Prodigal) humbling himself and making the first move to head home, the father ran to meet him, forgave him and restored him.  Keep in mind that in Middle Eastern culture, the father did not have to run to him to start the restoration process early.  This was a move of God on both hearts.

     Brothers, there are a host of enemies at work against the Christian home and traditional marriage these days.  They are inspired by the three enemies to all Christians: the world system, the flesh (our inner nature) and the devil and his minions.  This all is according to our living in the last days (II Timothy 3) and the fact that Jesus Christ is on his way back (I Thessalonians 4; I Corinthians 15; Revelation 1).  Life is getting harder—not easier—in this ol’ world.

     If you have done all you can to lead, love and provide for your wife in a godly manner and your wife wants to head for the door, there is nothing you can do.  Just stand your ground as a man, trust in the Lord, and give her time to make up her mind to permanently stay—or go.  Same strategy for a girlfriend.  If she wants to terminate the relationship, there is little that you can do to keep it from happening.  It’s gonna hurt like the dickens, but there are times when “happily ever after” does not take place in the single life.

ROAD HAZARDS IN RELATIONSHIPS:

     Believe it or not, there are some sisters who ‘get their jollies’ from firing a man, just to see if he decides to ‘crawl’ back to her at the last minute ‘if she shows an interest in taking him back’.  In other words, because the sister had a conversation with her girlfriends or parents, she may have gotten it into her head to ‘test’ either herself, or you. Some folks love to feed on the reality shows, movies, or romance novels and think that these poor excuses of civilization have the ‘answers’.  Other folks love their psychics and horoscopes (which are against Scripture and will do spiritual and physical damage to a person) to govern their relationships.  Again, a person under these influences will likely head out the door, too.

     Husbands, what is YOUR wife ‘feeding’ upon in her life?  What is she ‘watching’ too much of, or ‘reading’ too much of in your house?  You have a duty to get those negative influences away from her, just as she has the same duty to do the same for you.  Brothers, admittedly, we can have ‘blind spots’ in our lives.  A godly woman will protect her husband, keep his confidences, and watch his back.  Ditto you for her!  Brothers beware of the woman who wants you for your following God and the Bible ‘before’ you got married and wants you to ‘oust’ God and the Bible from your marriage after the rings go on.

     This often proves fatal for the woman involved, as God will NOT allow his children to be blocked or separated from Him.  Either the relationship is terminated, the marriage is terminated, or the woman is terminated by God himself.  Brothers, remember:  For every Nabal, there is a Delilah or Jezebel.  Read your KJV Bible regularly to determine where you are, and where you are heading.

     I’ve written on this before but let me drop these wisdom nuggets: Beware the woman who will insist upon her ‘alone time’ but will not reciprocate that same respect towards you.  Next, beware the woman who is jealous of you having or keeping good, solid male friendships.  Men DO need to have their ‘alone time’ to pray, think and dream.  Men DO need to hang out at times with their tribe apart from women.  Lastly, beware of the woman who takes…and will not give, nor support your ‘growing’ as a man.

GREAT END TO THIS STORY:

     The caller took my advice and used the separation as a time to strengthen himself in the Lord his God (I also suspect that there was some fasting and prayer involved as this is one of the major ways that you prove that you mean business with God). He called my show back a few weeks alter to report that his wayward wife DID indeed come back home.  He was glad to report that the marriage was sweeter, and they both realized how much ‘outside’ static can potentially ruin a great relationship and a great marriage.

     Brothers, when your in-laws become outlaws; when friends and relatives think they know more about your marital or relationship status better than you do, it always helps to find people who have been through what YOU have been through and have NOT given up on God nor their Bible.  And stand your ground if she walks.

     Mike Ramey is a Retired Minister, Syndicated Columnist and Modern Street Gangs Specialist and Consultant from Indianapolis, Indiana.  Ramey is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE: THE GOLD FILES. Bringing back some of the classic THE MANHOOD LINE columns for a new generation of men.  THE MANHOOD LINE was and is a syndicated, monthly column, written from a biblical, business, and common-sense perspective FOR MEN. Emails welcomed to [email protected]. ©1998, 2021, 2022 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International (9).

Mike Ramey is a Retired Gospel Minister who lives in Indianapolis, IN. Book Reviewer, Syndicated Columnist and Award-winning Journalist in Radio, Television, Print and Internet with more than 25 years experience. KJV Bible Teacher and Modern Street Gang Specialist. Veteran teacher and instructor.