I could not believe what was happening. The leader I had trusted to have my back; the leader I had adored and looked up to for years and who had been used mightily of God, was acting so out of love and so carnal, that I felt greatly betrayed. 

The hurt was so great, it was almost suffocating. I did not know my heart could hurt so much. It was a very hard thing, and it took me years--by much teaching of the Word and praise and worship and prayer to wash and heal my soul--to get over it. 

To be more specific, though, it was actually just one more major trauma added onto all the traumas of past disappointments, frustrations, betrayals, and more by numerous leaders. 

 From pastors to parents to presidents; from husbands to helpers in various arenas, and more, the LORD had to teach me that trusting in people is foolish--and that truly, our deepest hope and expectation must come only from Him. 

It is better to trust and take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in man.--Psalm 118:8, AMPC

Of course, He works almost always through people, but those people must be submitted to Him. However, He will have His way, and He knows how to direct and otherwise influence people's thoughts and actions even if they aren't submitted to Him, in order to benefit His children, we Covenant people, who have received Christ Jesus as our LORD and Savior! 

HOW GREAT IS OUR DADDY GOD, THE GREAT GOD JEHOVAH!!!

He is also Jehovah Rapha, the LORD Who heals us, and only He can pull out the fiery darts and drain the poison from all those snakebites. But He can, and He will, if we work with Him. 

He wil heal your heart, if you will just trust Him. 

³ He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows]. -- Psalm 147:3, AMPC

We have to choose to allow Him to do that, though. It is human nature to want to keep the walls up, and even put (like I did!) walls on top of walls, then high barbed wire on top of the upper walls--like they do in prisons! 

Yes, even though it seems illogical, when we hold our hurts inside, they fester and actually cause the wounds to go deeper. They can rot our joy, our dreams, our destinies, if we don't let the Master Surgeon, Jesus, excise them from our lives 

Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].--James 5:16, AMPC

I used to have a problem with that first sentence, especially when I felt that I was the one who had been violated in some way; that I had been done wrong!

Yet, through the years, the LORD has often kept urging me to ask forgiveness of the one who had hurt me, when to me that did not even make sense! After all, I'd reason (and reason of the mind is against the wisdom of God, which usually does not make sense to our "logical" minds!), shouldn't they be apologizing to me?!

However, when I would obey (sometimes it would take me months, but as I obeyed, it would become a shorter period; weeks, days, even hours, that I would trust Him to give me grace to just grit my teeth and be pleasant enough to the other person(s) to humble myself and ask for their forgiveness. Sometimes, they had no idea what I was talking about, and I would just tell them I was obeying the LORD. Sometimes, He'd have me hug them, but often, right after I asked their forgiveness and apologized, I would truly feel loving enough toward them to hug, or at least smile and shake hands! 

Our God is the awesome God, and with Him, all things are possible!

Who is like You, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like You, glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, doing wonders? -- Exodus 15:11, AMPC

Here's the deal: Too often (way too often!), the people that you feel hurt by, even extremely anger and bitter and unforgiving for (Yes, there have been several people through the years that I either wanted to not be alive any longer or never see again. You cannot keep those demonic thoughts--that is how murder and other wrong things happen; the wrong thoughts start in the mind and will, if not repented of, continue to grow and turn into very wrong actions!), have no idea they even hurt (offended) you! 

By the way, we call criminals "offenders," because they have broken a law (or laws). When others overstep the boundaries of what we think is right, then to us, they become criminals--offenders. 

If we are offended, we are holding something against someone, and that is not the Plan of God. In fact, offense can definitely hinder or even stop what God wants to do for you and through you. 

Ask me how I know! 

It is possible to be truly free of past hurts, and even have the memories of the most terrible things ever done to you become "powerless ghosts"--memories that are so distant, they seem like bad dreams, or a rerun of a cheap, bad movie; like they happened to someone else.

Indeed, they did happen to someone else, because, in Christ, we are new every morning!

¹⁷ Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!--II Corinthians 5:17, AMPC

Abundant life is all about relationships: With God first, then with others. If we want days of Heaven on earth, as the Word promises we can have (Deut. 11:21), then we have to first acknowledge the hurts, and ask the LORD to help us choose to forgive and heal our spirits, souls, and even bodies of the traumas and other negative effects of those hurts.

Here is a prayer you can say that will help activate your healing: LORD, I thank You for Your patience with me, and that, when Jesus hung on the cross, He chose--even in the midst of the most extreme pain any person could ever experience!--to forgive me and the whole world! Thank You for Your saving Grace, provided for me through Jesus' pure blood shed on that cross, so that I could choose to be forgiven and be Your child forever! 

Now, by Your Grace and strength, I choose to forgive all those that have hurt me in any way. I confess holding bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart toward them (Here is a great place to name the person(s) that have hurt you, and even specifics of what they did--just between you and the LORD, unless you want another strong Believer to be with you in this. It's fine, either way! The most important thing is that JESUS the HEALER is with you, working and healing and delivering and restoring!), and I release it all to You!

I also curse the root and effects of all traumas I have suffered in my spirit, soul, and body, dreams, and other relationships because of this trash that has been in my heart. Wash me, LORD, with Your Living Water, and fill me afresh with Your dear Spirit.

Teach me Your ways, so that I might learn to walk in Love toward others, and do what Romans 12:9 says--to let my love be sincere. Help me to stop thinking so much about myself, and realize that others are not trying to hurt me, but that it's the devil who tries to cause problems with people. But far greater are You to help me!

Please cleanse my memory and conscience so that it seems like these wrong things happened to someone else!

I thank You for Your mighty help and I receive it, in the Name of Jesus, amen! 

Through books, courses, presentations, service, prayer, worship, and more, Tonja and her husband live to exalt God. Her series for girls, P.O.W.E.R. GIRL ADVENTURES, is now out (books I-V), along with LEGACY; YOUR HOLY HEALTH: VISIONS OF THE KING, and more. See the "River Rain Creative" YT channel.