Since I was very young, I measured success as lots of money, beautiful clothes and cars, and a huge house. 

My parents, who'd both grown up in large, working class families and in what some would consider poverty, had done very well for themselves. My dad had served in the military and received training in electronics, and been blessed by the LORD with an excellent job with the United States Postal Service. He moved up to supervisor and made a very good living.

So my folks were able to buy land, design and build a nice house, do lots of things and have nice things. We were considered very well off in our community.

However, the spiritual life and covering of our family was broken. There was continual strife between my parents, for one reason or another, and I used to fear them getting a divorce. There was lots of trauma and drama; very wearying and depressing to a child's soul. However, I knew my parents loved me very much and wanted only the best for me, as far as they knew how to give it. However, neither of them had been grounded in the Word of God.

Thus, my perspective of what was truly important was worldly and driven by money and things. 

I wanted a huge house and lots of money. 

I had received Christ at age 9 in VBS, and I was thankful that my parents had taken me a few years to church so that could happen. Then they got offended and never went back, except for a rare service with years between. But they did not know the LORD initmately and of course did not know how to teach me and my little brother to walk with Him.

So, I fell into rebellion as a teen and much trouble and angst and junk ensued. God was merciful and faithful and gracious and protected me from so much that could have harmed me, including fatally. GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS, FOREVER, and HE KNOWS THOSE OF US WHO ARE HIS!

I am so thankful He sees the end from the beginning, for I would have given up on me a long time ago!

Anyway, my expectations were that my husband would make a lot of money and secure for me a big, fancy house, full of fancy things. 

Then, I thought, my identity would be complete.

That was erroneous, because, since I was 9 at least, my true identity was as a beloved child of God. Not that He has a problem with anyone having a big house; He is building us His own each a mansion in Heaven! 

But it seemed I could never "arrive" until I had the big house.

Long story made short: I am now in my 50s and still have not had "the big house." 

However, I now have a happy house. It is not much like I had imagined it would be, nor in the place I had thought. But it is truly, thanks to my husband, which the LORD sent me as a surprise gift of restoration 16 years ago, a peaceful habitation.

Now I measure "success," with the LORD's help, as He does. Every day, I praise and thank Him that BILLIONS of people would love to have my very satisfying Zoe life, full of priceless people, things, experiences, and more! Now I know, while I have no doubt that soon I will have a large house and many well-watered lovely acres, that having a peaceful home--a peaceful and satisfied life--is worth much more than a thousand cars and huge houses! 

Through books, courses, presentations, service, prayer, worship, and more, Tonja and her husband live to exalt God. Her series for girls, P.O.W.E.R. GIRL ADVENTURES, is now out (books I-V), along with LEGACY; YOUR HOLY HEALTH: VISIONS OF THE KING, and more. See the "River Rain Creative" YT channel.