My husband had not worked for nine months, and I had only had a temporary part-time job. We had started falling behind on our finances.

This had happened before, from stupid mistakes in the past before we were married, and even after. But we had learned the principles and wisdom of tithing and sowing offerings the past several years, and the LORD had been faithful--even keeping us safe from the enemy and turning things that could have been very costly in time and money into something very light. He is so good! 

However, this issue concerned our house and I was very uncomfortable.  I made the mistake of allowing myself to start worrying, and that lowered my immunity. I caught a cold and was not able to be nearly as productive as usual for several days. I felt weak, but I knew it was more than just a physical thing. 

The pressure I felt was enormous, to me anyway, and all kinds of negative thoughts about losing the place we lived and other things tormented me for a day or two. It was a battle. I felt very traumatized, and condemned. If I had just.... If I had not.... blah blah blah.

I had to rest more than usual; I was tired physically and emotionally, and even, I think, a bit spiritually. I knew that my joy had slipped, and that is very unusual for me. 

I knew that, when the warfare was this intense, that God was up to big things and that, as always, my faithful Daddy would turn even the torment for my good (Genesis 50:20)! 

I did pray often, and praise and worship. I spoke the Word. I listened to preaching. All of these things I do daily, or least part of them, and even though my feelings didn't match--I felt like nothing was working, which is another lie of the enemy!--and it seemed I had a hard time breathing sometimes, I kept going. I knew that God is forever faithful. He cannot be unfaithful!

I knew that, as He always had and always would, my Daddy God, Jehovah Nissi, the LORD My Victorious Miracle Banner; my Jehovah Rapha, the LORD That Healeth Me; Jehovah Shalom, the LORD My Peace; and Jehovah Mekadishkem, the LORD Who Cleanses and Sanctifies Me, would see me through.  I remembered that He loved me, no matter what, and that He was not mad at me, but joyfully faithful to get me back on the right Path! 

During those dark couple of days, I could not remember to forgive myself, but I called on His Mercy and Grace, and told Him out loud that He is faithful and He is good.

Even before we cry, He answers. Our darling Daddy God is The Faithful and Perfect Parent! He answered me after I returned from church, where, by His Grace, I did truly worship--with tears. It was a relief.

My Father God is faithful; He answered by revealing to me just as I lay my head on the pillow that night that I had been traumatized over and over by having to move several times during my life. Some of those moves, especially as a single divorced mother with a young child, had defintely been traumatic. 

He had done so much healing and given me such a blessed life with my new husband from Him that there was no comparison to the old life! However, I had buried the trauma of the moves, and with it, the shame, disappointment, anger, frustration, guilt, condemnation, grief, sorrow, fear, performance pressure qne perfectionism (which are really forms of fear!), and whatever other negative emotions the enemy could throw in during all those years. 

The LORD is such a loving, Faithful Daddy God, that He will never reveal junk that has oppressed, suppressed and/or depressed us until He knows we can truly handle it and are truly ready to confess it and get it out. So I repented wherever I had been wrong (I could not even remember all the times I'd moved during the past couple decades, many of them not my fault!), and forgave those involved.  

So, with my head on my pillow, I quietly talked to my Father and got this out. I cursed the trauma at the root, as I had been taught by a well-known minister to do, in Jesus' name, and told it to leave my life and never return. I forgave the guilty parties and received forgiveness for myself. Soft tears came again, and He healed my heart.  I also asked Him to heal my memory and subconscious, for I never wanted to think of these things again.

The enemy had known that these roots were there, and had used them against me in multiple ways during the years, including guilt of not having a bigger, better house, etc. But no more! 

Truly, from the goodness and Grace of my darling Daddy God, I had gone from trauma to triumph!

And so can you!

Ask the LORD to reveal to you the root of what's been troubling you. Know that, when He shows you, He is only bringing up the junk so you can cut it out by the roots and be free! 

Through books, courses, presentations, service, prayer, worship, and more, Tonja and her husband live to exalt God. Her series for girls, P.O.W.E.R. GIRL ADVENTURES, is now out (books I-V), along with LEGACY; YOUR HOLY HEALTH: VISIONS OF THE KING, and more. See the "River Rain Creative" YT channel.