As Peter was walking on water – until he took his eyes off Yeshua and began to sink into the water – I was fine until I took my focus off Yeshua and compared myself, my accomplishments, etc. with other people. I began to sink into a melancholy state of mind which grew increasingly worse to the point of depression and thinking Yahweh had abandoned me. It seemed as if He was ignoring my prayers, which only increased my wondering if I was even ‘saved,’ let alone have a purpose.

Normally I am content as a behind-the-scenes servant of Yahweh, and actually prefer to not be the center of attention. The adversary slipped in one day last winter when my watchfulness had obviously lapsed. For several days I was miserable as I wallowed in that pit and begged Master Yahweh for answers to my many questions. Eventually, He guided me up out of the muck and began to show me what had happened over the past week.

Soon after I read about the fuller’s soap and refining silver, when more insight came so fast I could barely absorb one point before another came to mind. I think I have been in the process of being “whitened” by the fuller/refined by the refiner.

I read the book of Malachi and the seventh chapter of Micah, followed some cross-references, and ended up with the scriptures in Isaiah 64 and in Romans 9:20-21, where we are told that Yahweh is the Potter and we are the clay, and Isaiah 45:6-9 and 11-12.

Lessons learned:

1. Continue to focus on Yeshua and His character to be a “usable” instrument Yahweh can use. Just DO as He directs and when someone else seems to indicate I am less somehow, whether intentional or not, blow it off and thank Yahweh for His protection, the things He has taught me, and for caring enough about me to not leave me the way I was when I realized I needed Him and He accepted me.
2. I am only the clay – not the Potter!

I was raised in church but always felt like I was missing something. Now the Word of God excites me! My curiosity enhances the pursuance of discernment. I have often felt discouraged, but not totally defeated knowing that in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.