|
Accepting Those Things We Cannot Change
by Shirley Mahood Nearly 20 years ago now our family was hit with the devastating news that one of our then teenage daughters had a serious mental illness. I could not believe that God had allowed this to happen to her or to us. After all, we were a good family; at least we tried to be. Trouble and bad luck are things that happen to people who don't take precautions against them, or so I thought. (Guess you can tell I have been a real control freak in my life.) It was a time my faith was rocked to the core, but, thankfully, not abandoned. Sleepless nights and anxious days were the name of the game for several months. I was in major denial or, when I chose to recognize the situation, then I figured if I just researched enough, said the right things, did the right things, my daughter would be healed. I was praying, but I was praying for her healing. What I didn't realize then is that she is whole, a beloved child of God. I was too busy seeing her as much of the world would probably see her. Then one night as I lay in bed, awake at 3am, continuing my prayer for my daughter's healing, I seemed to hear a voice say, "Accept my healing for you." Healing for me, I remember thinking, "I don't need to be healed. I am not sick." But my recognition of my need to change began a change from which the whole family has benefited, and I would not now be on the path of helping hurting people through my talks and workshops if I had not learned from this situation. I am so grateful that God stayed with me as I struggled to accept what I considered the unacceptable. Yes, of course, I would wish my daughter could have an easier life, but God does bring good out of all situations to those who trust. Today because of how we all learned to think differently, my daughter is herself in a much better place as well. Many Bible passages brought me much needed strength as we all struggled to cope with the unusual, and often very erratic, behavior of our daughter. Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding, Proverbs 3:5, was one. My understanding had been that anyone who really tried hard enough could "get their act together." Another faulty way of thinking was that there was something "wrong" with her. And, of course, being her mother, I was dealing with another disturbing thought. What kind of mother will people think I am that my daughter has this illness? God guided me to change those thoughts. I began to understand that sometimes illness can prevent people from changing in ways that they themselves would like to change. It wasn't just our family who wished she could be different; she would have liked to have a more "normal" life, though today she says honestly that she has many really good days; she has stopped trying to be what the world would want her to be, that is successful in the way the world measures success. The other two unhealthy thoughts I had to change were even harder to accept at first. Living too much in the world, I struggled to finally come to the conclusion that indeed there is nothing wrong with my daughter. Yes, she has a mental illness diagnosis, and yes, she cannot work, but she is, as I said earlier, still a child of God with her own strengths and weaknesses, just like every other person. And, lastly, I was unhappy to realize that I at times could be more concerned about what people thought about me than how to be a support to my daughter. John 2:9 became and remains one of my most reassuring verses. Jesus is asked about a blind man, "Who sinned, he or his parents?" Jesus answers, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned. But this happened so that the work of God could be seen in his life." How true that is. My daughter's life is indeed a testimony of the power of God to work in an individual. Her own strength to deal with her life and her enormous capacity to offer caring and compassion to all people, often giving money to people begging, despite the very limited income she has, are just two of the ways we see God at work in her. And, whenever we tend to forget how God cares for each one of us, we remember the numerous times God has "been there" for our daughter when she was in a difficult position, and no family member was available to help her. Some stranger always somehow arrived to save the day. Accepting those things we cannot change, as the Serenity Prayer tells us, does bring a sense of peace. I know that now. How sad I feel that it took me as long as it did to understand I am not in control. God knows what He is doing, and my job is not to judge, but to support and offer to others what my daughter is so good at offeringcare and compassion. Indeed she has blessed our family. Shirley Mahood is an author and workshop leader on topics of self-esteem and managing stress from a spiritual point of view. Her website is www.shirleymahood.com. Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |