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The Other Side of Being Single
by K. Pignon You know there are those friends who say they are single but are not really as single as one would imagine. Fair enough their Facebook page says single and they certainly aren't pressing their faces up against the windows of jewelry stores, but when you look closer, there is a twinkle in their eye and a naughty giggle when they receive an oh so secret text message. What does it all mean? Well, it means that they have a 'boy friend' He looks like a boyfriend, acts like a boyfriend, talks like a boyfriend, kisses like a boyfriend but he isn't a boyfriend. Confused? Yes. I blame 'Sex and the City'. Well I have a couple friends with some of these casual part time partners, (one Christian and one not) and they both have the same perspective and have explained it to me over and over again, 'I want to be single' (they have both just come out of long and serious relationships), 'I really enjoy being independent but I really like him and am attracted to him and we have fun together, and plus I can also see other men'. By being single and available they get to be the kid in the cake shop who can have all the yummy cakes. We all get conflicts like these. We want two different things that can't really exist together. In this case it's wanting a partner while retaining your singleness. Can we really create a situation where we get the benefits of both? Many a modern woman is now shouting YES! It is our right to have the best of both worlds. A loving man when you need one and the 'single' status when you need that. My guess is the only reason you need the single status is to meet more men. Or am I way off the mark? In my view the situation is virtually impossible as the more time you spend with someone, the closer you get and the less realistic this scenario becomes. Without knowing it and intending it he becomes your boyfriend purely by the way you feel about him and treat him, yet with both of you trying to maintain your single status, you end up pushing each other away, seeing other people and ultimately hurting each other. So when did the single status become so important that it was something to be maintained? I thought everyone was rushing off to get married - at least every Christian woman. I blame Sex and the City. (Oh no, not again!) While many people speak about the smug married couples not much notice is given to the smug single woman who dresses provocatively and flirts with married men. Some women can make their singleness equal sex appeal, and their sex appeal equal power. They drop phrases like 'independent', 'do what I want' and freedom' to make you jealous of their status (and sometimes it actually works). At some point, for some, singleness turned from a status into a lifestyle. It was a lifestyle that meant I can do anything and have anything, including a man, and still miraculously stay single. So while 'singledom' has its appeals with the wild and the flirty, a casual approach to relationships and the opposite sex can result in you feeling unvalued or used and give you the inclination to hurt each other. Most of all, don't kid yourself that it is empowering you. While you can have all the cakes in the cake shop, just remember he can have all the cakes too and probably is. Copyright Gifted Women, 2010 www.giftedwomen.net an online magazine for the modern Christian woman. Submit your articles for publishing on Gifted Women. Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |