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Relational Overdrafts
by Angela Willingham Most of us are very conscious of our bank accounts. We want to make sure that there is always enough money in the account to cover the checks we have written and the withdrawals we have made. We want to make sure we can buy what we want when we want. We are conscious of the fees that have to be charged if we for any reason allow our accounts to be overdrawn, the charges or fees for insufficient funds. A $35 charge for a withdrawal or check that was not even as much as the fee. We will argue with the bank about the fees, demanding the fees to be reversed because we want to keep what is ours. The other day I had to ask myself, do we put that same effort into our relationships and what would happen if we did? The divorce rate would go way down if we put the same amount of effort into covering our relationship withdrawals that we put into taking care of our bank accounts. Usually we take advantage of our relationships and wait until there is nothing left and wonder what happened. We are dumbfounded when the other person gets fed up and finally looses their patience with us. Why did he or she leave me? Why aren't my parents or children talking to me any more? What can I do to fix it? Why do we wait until we have pushed the envelope to a breaking point to try to figure out how to keep it together? How can you make a deposit? Will money do it or is something else required? I've read the books, The Five Love Languages, Love and Respect and His Needs, Her Needs. All three books are full of information, helping you identify what you need to make the relationship work. What you need to keep it from being overdrawn and even how to get your needs met without nagging and complaining. Yes, there are other ways. The Five Love Languages helps you to not only identify your love language but to identify the love language of the person or persons you care about, whether they be a mate, significant other or a friend. The truth is that everyone involved in a relationship needs to know they are loved and feel loved. If you choose to withhold the words and the deeds/actions that let them know how you really feel or that you really appreciate them you will run the risk of losing something that may be very special to you. You will then have to spend time trying to figure out how to fix something that you could have avoided. If you want to keep your relational accounts out of the red it is imperative that you find out what those you care for need and then do your best to meet the need. Sex is not the only way to show love. If you have been raised to believe that it is time to change your thinking or you will lose. Most people need and want more than sex. Sex will not hold a relationship together. You will reach a point where the sex is no longer enough so don't make it your foundation. Women want affection and many of them want time. If you provide affection and time you will inevitably win a woman's heart. It is important that you take the time to get to know the person you are in relationship with and provide what they need. It is not good enough to provide what you need or what you think they should need, it's not about you, it's about them. If you can't figure it out by just looking, if it is not obvious take the time to get to know them better by trying something, listen to what they say and surprise them with your attempt to please them. While many people say they do not like surprises, most of us like surprises that are nice. We like surprises that are well thought out and touch our hearts, but the only way to know what will touch a person's heart is to get to know the person. If you really want to know what it is going to take you are going to have to take the time to invest in your relationship. The greatest investment you can make is the investment of time to get to know the person better. Whatever you invest you have to make sure that you can keep it up for the long haul. If you find yourself in a place where your account is overdrawn, stop and address the issue now before it is to late. Don't let the overdraft build up, watch for and listen for the signs of dissatisfaction and address them quickly. If your issue is with the bank, call the bank and talk to somebody to find out what you can do to fix it. If your problem is with a relationship stop and take the time to do what you know will help to get the relationship back on track. Don't take advantage of the bank or the relationship. Don't think that you can keep doing the same thing over and over again without any repercussions. Don't allow the overdraft to get to big. The bigger the overdraft and the more often it happens the more likely the bank or the person you are in relationship with will not be as quick to forgive the situation. After you overdraw your account by so much you take the chance that the bank will actually stop covering your situations, close your account or even press charges against you. The same thing can happen in a relationship. The spouse no longer makes excuses for your bad behavior and you are exposed to family and friends, because the rift in the relationship is great it can no longer be hidden and the offended party does not even care to hide it. The offended party, the one that feels they have been giving and giving and giving with no return, is just tired of it and your relationship account is closed. They are no longer even interested in working the situation out, they are finished, they are through with the entire situation. How do we get to this point in a relationship, the point where the account is empty and overdrawn? We get there due to neglect. We get there by not giving the relationship the attention it deserves. We get there by allowing our attention to be focused on other things like work, other relationships, children or the issues of life. If you want to keep the relationship fresh and if you want to keep the relationship account open, find out what is necessary to keep it open and growing and then do it. Don't be confused plants do not grow without attention and neither do our relationships. Don't pay more attention to your bank account than you pay to your relationships. Don't be a fool and allow what is good to be lost because of your neglect. Proverbs 20:11 says, Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right. If even a child is known by his doings, it is obvious that as adults we will also be known by ours. The bible says that we should mature and as we mature we should learn how to treat the things that are important to us. If we continue to allow our relational accounts to be overdrawn we will send the message that the relationship is not important to us whether or not that is the message we want to send, it will be the one that is sent. If you don't want your relationship account to be closed for being overdrawn, find out what is necessary to keep it alive, vibrant and open and then do it. Remember our relationships are not about pleasing ourselves, our relationships should be about pleasing the other person, if we value them. Ask yourself the question, "Do I really want this relationship"? If the answer is yes, nurture it and take care of it. Don't be selfish be selfless. Scripture: Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right. Angela Willingham, CEO New Beginnings Holistic Fitness Ministries, Inc. www.mynewtemple.org Copyright New Beginnings Holistic Fitness Ministries, Inc. Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |