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Get Over It or Get Reconciled!
by Angela Willingham How do you handle an issue with a brother or sister, whether friend or foe? Matthew 5:23-24 gives us very specific instructions. It says, 23 -24"This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. What does it mean to remember? Could it be that you were reminded because someone said something, could it be that a memory popped up in your head? God is specific in how he wants us to handle these types of situations. Other versions of the bible say go and be reconciled. Have you ever been told to get over it and move on? That use to be the answer to every issue in the church and family, whether it was child abuse, sexual abuse, hurt feelings, divorce, the death of a loved one, you name it the answer to every situation was to just get over it. If it was that easy our mental health institutions and mental health care professionals would all be out of jobs. Their careers would be unnecessary, yet we have heard that response over and over and over again. Maybe you haven't heard it, but I have. Maybe in response to the reminder of the abuse the abuser attempted to pass you a quick apology that may or may not have been heartfelt, we don't know. The goal was to get you to move past this uncomfortable moment and let them off the hook, drop it, move on. Nobody wants to hear your hurt or your heart on the issue they just want you to stop talking about it and let them off the hook. They want the issue to go away. That is not the kind of conduct that is being referred to in Matthew 5:23-24. This type of reconciliation is the kind that might take some time listening to the other person, the one who believes they have been offended, letting them talk through the issue and get it off their chest. This type of reconciliation will take some time, some patience and real agape love (caring) for the other person, not just checking off a box to say I did it. This type of reconciliation will take a little more sensitivity in dealing with what is going on with that person and hearing their heart. If the issue that they are dealing with is related to you, maybe we need to let the person talk it through and then give them a word of encouragement. They do not want to be rushed through or patronized and when you go in the spirit of this scripture you have to go with the willingness to be patient. Just get over it and move on! That is a quick answer and does not solve the problem or make the person feel any better. It doesn't provide healing, thus prolonging the persons issue. Sometimes it may be an issue that we do not know we have so just getting over it seems impossible. I shared a concern with a friend the other day and that is what I was told. "You need to just get over it!" For the most part I had done just that, but there were some little issues that remained. Issues that I did not know I was dealing with until something was said that brought them to the surface. There was a hurt caused by some words that had been spoken many years ago, that had taken root. While I had forgiven the situation and those involved, there were innocent reminders that were popping up as God was working to get me past those issues to my next level as well. My friend was part of the issue and thus not as sensitive as I may have needed him to be where I was. He gave the quick apology, but the spirit of his apology did not connect with my spirit. It felt like let's hurry up and get past this. Maybe you have never experienced that type of response, but I had and I did that day. I needed to talk about it and let's be honest most women need to talk more than most men want to hear, but gentleman, be patient with us if you want to get the root of the issue uprooted and not have to deal with it again or lose something you needed in the process, like the relationship. I gave you an example using myself as the victim, the one who had the ought just to help us understand how we can work through the issue with the person who has the ought. If you are the one who goes to the altar and realizes that someone has an ought with you, don't blow past it, give them a chance to heal. When you know someone has an ought with you, don't avoid the issue! It will have to be dealt with eventually. Don't give them a quick answer to shut them up! Don't allow yourself to become angry or impatient! Remember they are the ones that have ought with you and your goal is reconciliation! Don't try to be right, try to be reconciled! Scripture: Matthew 5:23-24: 23 -24"This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. (The Message Bible) Angela Willingham, CEO New Beginnings Holistic Fitness Ministries, Inc. www.mynewtemple.org Copyright New Beginnings Holistic Fitness Ministries, Inc. Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com |